I am 34 weeks pregnant with baby number four! We are so excited and also definitely still need to prep pretty much anything, so baby boy can take his sweet time.
I wanted to give you an inside look into how we’re preparing for baby. As a sleep consultant and mom of four, I’m going to be sharing my top three postpartum priorities for when baby boy is born.
Newsflash, none of my top postpartum priorities have anything to do with sleep! I mean, sleep would be nice, and yes I have a knowledge base that I can’t erase or undo or just forget about postpartum, and yes, we will absolutely be working toward establishing a newborn sleep foundation with our son, but when he is born, those things just aren’t our top priorities.
So as a seasoned mama who has gone through the postpartum and newborn phase three times already, my top three postpartum priorities are:
- My physical healing
- Establishing a solid feeding relationship with my baby
- And bonding
Let’s dive right in!
1. My Physical Healing
The first priority I’m going to share is my own healing.
Being pregnant for 40ish weeks and delivering a baby (whether vaginally or by c-section) is a BIG DEAL! And then stack on the exhaustion from sleepless nights, figuring out this new human, becoming a mom for the first time or now adjusting to being a mom of more children than you were the day before, navigating relationships, eating food, etc…IT’S A LOT!
After my first was born, I really didn’t prioritize my physical healing. When we had our second, however, my midwife told me that I should essentially aim to stay in bed for two weeks postpartum for my physical body to heal. I’ve even learned just for our pelvic floors, that rest is so key!
Now that doesn’t mean two straight weeks in bed, never leaving, but for baby number two and three, I did my very best to truly lay low for two weeks. This is not an exact breakdown, but I want to say I did something like 4-5 days really based in my bedroom, meaning all meals in bed. Then I’d start coming out of my room once a day, and would usually aim for that to be around a mealtime so I could eat with my family.
And my midwife said when I did start leaving my room, I should aim to just do the stairs once a day, again, for the sake of rest. And after maybe a week and a half or so, I’d start spending more time in the living room with my other kids, but still taking things really slowly and not rushing to leave the house. I’d leave to take my baby to the pediatrician’s office, I’d go to church after the first week or so, and maybe sit in a chair outside for fresh air, but I really aimed for low-key rest.
And let me tell you, this is coming from someone who is not a natural rester! I’m a natural doer and go go go-er, so taking two weeks to be in bed is not natural for me. But I see the importance and I’ve seen what happens to people when they just overdo it, so having those two weeks in bed is a huge priority in our family.
And thankfully I’m not the only one on board! My wonderful husband knows it’s important so we plan life accordingly. My mom is usually here the majority of those first two weeks, if not the whole time, to help with the baby but especially now with the older kiddos. So someone can tend more to me and baby and someone can tend more to the older girls.
And we’ve also always had a meal train set up by our church family to help with the first few weeks, especially, so all of that makes those two weeks in bed possible.
I’ve never had a c-section before so I won’t pretend to know all of the healing that follows, but my guess is that two weeks in bed would be the minimum, or the time after those two weeks would still need to be very slow and thought-through for the sake of healing from a major surgery.
I’ve also never struggled with postpartum depression and anxiety, but that’s not to say I can’t or won’t. So I will also try to be aware of how I’m feeling emotionally, my counselor hubby and my own mama will certainly be paying attention to how I’m doing, and if any of us were to have any concerns, we would seek help! As mental health and well-being are absolutely connected to physical healing.
2. Establishing a Solid Feeding Relationship with My Baby
My next postpartum priority is establishing a solid feeding relationship with my baby.
I have been fortunate to be able to exclusively nurse all three of my older girls for 17+ months, and that’s my same goal with our baby boy. I certainly have breastfeeding experience and know way more than I did when I had my oldest, but I also know every baby is different and every breastfeeding relationship is different, and my sweet boy and I will need time to figure out our rhythm!
Our oldest two didn’t have any oral restrictions but my third did, so I’ll certainly be on watch for any oral ties. I’ll start getting to know his hunger cues, I’ll be paying close attention to the clock and how recently he ate, I’ll set alarms if he’s snoozing for too long, and there will likely be some good old cluster feeding in there. I’ll also be paying close attention to wet diapers and to when my milk comes in and taking care of my physical body during that transition.
It’s connected to physical healing, but also with the goal of being able to breastfeed, I will need to make sure I’m eating way more calories than normal since I’ll be feeding both of us, and I’ll be focusing on really good nutrition, not just calories for the sake of calories.
And if, for whatever reason, breastfeeding doesn’t end up working out for us, or we need to take a combo feeding approach, it will still be just as crucial to get into that feeding rhythm with my baby so he can grow and thrive!
3. Bonding
Finally, my third postpartum priority is bonding.
The first piece of bonding I’m thinking about is with my baby boy! That golden hour is a top priority, but from there, lots of mama time, daddy time, skin-to-skin with both of us, all the cuddles, and just getting to know my son. His cues, his cries, and every little inch of his body, as he is a gift we’re being entrusted to care for and love on!
The next piece of bonding I’m thinking about is with my girls. I want them to have space to come snuggle baby brother and help burp him, bring mom a diaper, or read him a book – however they want to love on him and get to know him is important! Especially for my 2.5 year old who won’t really know what’s going on quite yet. (For more idea on helping siblings adjust to a new sibling, read this post.)
I also want to make sure that in my two weeks of bed and really focusing on feeding my baby, I’m also connecting with each of my girls. When daddy is snuggling the baby, that might be reading to them from my bed, watching a show together on my computer, maybe eventually playing a game, or drawing a picture. Even just hearing about their day! Mama will certainly be more MIA than they’re used to and there’s not a ton we can do about that, but I want to make sure they still feel connected and like they still get mama time when possible.
Because that goes a long way in their bonding with the baby and just overall behavior and well-being in that postpartum window!
And finally, bonding with my husband! A lot of what we’re doing in those first two weeks, but even after, is dividing and conquering – you hold the baby so I can sleep, I’ll hold the baby so you can sleep. You hold him so I can go take a bath. I’ll read to the girls while he’s sleeping on you. He’s getting my dinner or taking the girls to the playground while grandma stays back to help. So when we’re able, we’ll also want to find time to connect, chat about one another’s days, cuddle in bed for a few minutes without a baby in one of our arms. We don’t want to lose sight of each other, because again, our relationship impacts how everyone is doing!
And my friendships are worth mentioning here, as well, because texting my girlfriends and sending Marco Polos back and forth is life-giving! Even though my life won’t be normal in those first few weeks, it’s nice to still feel a sense of normalcy. My friends are still going to text me if their kid rips off their diaper and smears poop on the walls. I’m going to tell them I’m over the granny panties and huge pads. And we’ll send all of the cute pictures and videos back and forth.
If someone brings a meal and I’m up for a little chatter, it’s nice to see familiar faces and again, just feel normal! There will also be times people bring food and I’m sleeping or can’t handle one more interaction. There may be days when I don’t respond to any text messages. But just because I’m in bed and in this cozy little postpartum bubble doesn’t mean all life has to stop – just the draining, non-restful, non-family-focused life needs to pause until it makes sense for us all.
Conclusion
In wrapping up, my goal for this post is simply to share with you what I prioritize as a newborn mama, as having those three priorities front and center have helped us navigate postpartum and newborn life with our other kiddos.
And if you’re currently expecting or might have more babies in the future, I encourage you to consider the same!
Also remember that there will always be unknowns and things you just can’t prepare for. We plan to have a homebirth again, which would of course be an unmedicated vaginal delivery. But I’m very aware that things could change and our birth plan may not turn out as we pray it does. I plan to nurse this baby until his toddler days, but every baby is different and just because I’ve done it before doesn’t mean I can simply do it again.
I can plan for how I want to love on my other three kiddos, but I have no idea how they’ll actually respond and what they’ll actually need from mom during that time. So while we can make all of these plans and have these priorities, and I think it’s important to do so, we also need to have open hands for the unexpected and the hard and what might need to change that we didn’t plan or hope for.
On next week’s post I will share what our top sleep priorities are when he arrives so you can hear the scoop from a real-life mom and sleep consultant, and how I’ll decide what to do and when, and what they might realistically look like for our baby and a family of six!
With Grace,
Lauren
