Last week, we talked a lot about daycare and sleep – what can you realistically expect from your provider, for better or worse, what can you realistically expect from your child, and how they’ll actually sleep. If you haven’t read it yet, pause and go back so you don’t miss anything!

This week, we’re continuing our daycare and sleep conversation, but taking it a step further. We’re going to talk specifically about sleep training and daycare. If you’ve already sleep trained and now your baby or toddler is heading to daycare, or if your little one has been in daycare for any length of time and now you’re ready to sleep train, what should you communicate to the provider? And what can you expect from your little one?

In this blog post, we’ll cover:

• What to request from and communicate to your daycare provider about sleep training
• The importance of advocating for your little one
• Realistic expectations for sleep at daycare and home
• Practical advice about what day of the week might be best to start sleep training your little one in daycare

And more!

Introduction

Before I really dive in, I first just want to clear up a common misconception – kids who go to daycare can be sleep trained! I’ve had several families ask if their baby or toddler can be sleep trained since they’re at daycare five days a week, and my answer is YES!

Sleep training is not just for families with stay-at-home parents or nannies, it’s for anyone who wants to teach their kiddo to be an independent sleeper! Might there be more bumps in the road if your little one is at daycare? Sure, there certainly could be! But there can also be bumps in the road for the kiddos at home all day.

Every kiddo is different! And the great thing about being a parent (and sometimes terrifying thing) is you get to decide what’s best for your little one and family!

Let me also say that daycare will not sleep train your baby or toddler!

Some people think that sending their child to daycare will magically fix their sleep. Might your non-napper at home sleep really well at daycare? Absolutely! But that doesn’t mean they’re now going to nap really well at home.

We talked about that herd mentality last week – “everyone else is doing it so of course I will.” There’s also the Vegas mentality – “what happens at daycare stays at daycare.” Which again, is for better or worse!

Some kiddos eat more variety and sleep better at daycare than at home. Some toddlers don’t need a pacifier at daycare but do at home. Some babies take long naps at daycare but super short naps at home, or vice versa – they take really short naps at daycare but long naps at home. That’s not to say that daycare sleep doesn’t impact home sleep at all and that what you do at home doesn’t impact daycare sleep at all, it’s just to say they can be different.

What to request from the daycare provider to help with sleep training

Here’s what I recommend communicating to your little one’s daycare provider in regards to sleep training…

Sleep Props

If your baby used to use pacifiers for all sleep, whether at home or at daycare, but now you’re sleep training and pulling the pacifier, make sure your provider knows that! Make sure they also pull all pacifiers at daycare and don’t give it to your little one. Is it the end of the world if they don’t pull it? Probably not, because again, “what happens at daycare stays at daycare”. But it can certainly be more confusing and take longer for your little one to forget about that paci. So ask that they pull it!

Similarly, if you previously nursed or bottle fed your baby to sleep and so daycare has also been feeding them to sleep, but now you’re sleep training and moving away from that, make sure daycare knows! Ask them to feed your babe earlier in their awake window, so that they’re truly just drinking milk to fill their belly, not to fall asleep!

Sleep Schedules

You’ll also want to communicate the schedule you’re aiming for. Whether your baby is still taking multiple naps and following awake windows, or your baby or toddler is now on a one or two-nap schedule so it’s more set, communicate that! As I mentioned last week, your little one’s schedule likely won’t be the exact same at home; your little one isn’t the only one your provider is caring for, so there has to be some flexibility.

But I do think it’s reasonable to ask or expect them to stick within about 30 minutes of those awake windows or set schedule.

Once your baby is on one nap, it will very likely be set for all of the toddlers taking one nap, so your toddler may nap at noon at home and 1 pm at daycare, and there’s probably not much you can do about that. But sometimes daycare will put someone down a bit earlier if they’re really struggling. Then the good news is, with one nap, there is often more wiggle room with overtiredness creeping in, as well as more distraction at daycare, so they’ll probably be okay.

Communication

Another provider request is communication! I think this is always important, no matter if you’re sleep training or not, but especially when sleep training.

What time did they nap today, for how long, and how did they fall asleep. This is going to help you figure out if you need to drive around a bit longer on the way home, or squeeze in a carrier nap while making dinner, or just shoot for an early bedtime. It might also mean a later bedtime, for the toddlers who don’t need as long of a nap anymore but still take one at daycare!

So you really need to know what their sleep looks like each day so you can figure out what to do at home that night.

How to Help Them to Sleep

The final piece of communication that’s helpful for your provider is what to do around sleep.

“Hey, I know you’ve been rocking her, but now we’re working on independent sleep. At home, we’re doing a chair method, which means this. Or we’re doing leave and check, which means this.” You’re not asking them to do the same method, as they can’t.

But, “Hey, if they’re fussing for three minutes, try shushing and patting.” Or, “Please give them 10 minutes to try to settle, and if they’re still upset, go check on them.”  

Also communicate what to do if your child is just not sleeping. Do you want them to just skip the nap? (Please don’t just skip the nap, unless you have an older toddler who can handle it more.) Should they shush and pat them a bit? Do you want them to try again 30 minutes later? (That’s a pretty good option!) Or if nothing else is working, do you want them to try to rock them to sleep? (For babies, especially, I’d say yes! Just help them get to sleep so they’re not running on fumes by the time they get home!)

When our 2-year-old was at preschool for a few months, she needed someone to sit next to her and rub her back until she finally fell asleep. And if she stirred, she’d rub her back again. And she did not all of a sudden expect us to rub her back to fall asleep, because “what happened at daycare stayed at daycare.” But it made such a difference at home!

So if your kiddo is really struggling with sleep at daycare, no matter where you are in the sleep training process, it’s okay if they need more help! Sleep is essential, so let’s get your little one SLEEP!

Advocate for what your baby or toddler needs

It’s so important to remember that you are your child’s advocate.

This is not saying that daycare is the enemy by any stretch of the imagination – they are loving your child the best way they can and know how, and we are THANKFUL for that! AND, you know your child best! If something isn’t working or needs to change, TALK TO YOUR PROVIDER! Find a middle ground that makes you feel like your little one is getting what they need, and they feel like it’s actually doable with other children running around.

I have had some families who find it really helpful to have a little heart-to-heart with daycare. If your provider has not seen any sleeping challenges at school and now you’re asking them to make changes, they might be more hesitant, and that makes sense! But often sharing what sleep challenges you’re having at home can be really eye-opening; daycare probably had no idea. So you’re not simply asking them to make changes for the sake of change, but because you need sleep to change at home and it’d be so helpful if they could come alongside you.

Realistic expectations for home

Now I want to kind of shift gears away from communication and talk about realistic expectations at home again. Last week, we talked about planning for that post-daycare cat nap or early bedtime depending on how the day goes, and even for a sleep-trained baby or toddler, that still counts!

Just because you sleep train at home doesn’t mean daycare sleep will all of a sudden be magical. The hope is certainly that it’ll get better, but that can take time.

And again, we chatted last week about different nap schedules and when your baby or toddler is very likely to take consistent and long naps at daycare.

So you might be wondering, what’s the point of sleep training if it might not make a huge difference with daycare sleep? If you have decided to sleep train, regardless of what daycare sleep looks like, this means your little one can sleep at home!

That means no more bedtime battles, but falling asleep within about 10-15 minutes. If they’re physically ready, that means no more night wakings! And if they’re not physically ready, that means a night feed and then right back to sleep, no middle-of-the-night parties. That also means smooth naps on the weekends!

So even if it doesn’t feel like sleep training changes daycare sleep (though we hope it does!), it can make all the difference at home! And by adjusting your little one’s schedule accordingly, you can help make those adjustments due to poor or maybe too good of daycare sleep.

Might your little one stir more in the night on daycare days due to overtiredness? Maybe, but the expectation, or hope, would be that they can put themselves back to sleep within a few minutes. Might your toddler wake up a bit earlier during the week than on the weekend? Yes, if they’re taking a long daycare nap, they may just be maxing out on total sleep needs. But you’ll know that and feel confident making those tweaks and changes. You’ll understand what’s going on because you’ve done the hard and amazing work of sleep training and you know your little one’s sleep needs so much more now, and that makes all the difference.

Managing sleep training and daycare

Finally, I want to talk some sleep training logistics when it comes to daycare.

What day of the week is ideal to start sleep training if your little one goes to daycare? The short answer is, it’s really different for every family! And there’s not always a right answer – some families are so desperate for change that they start asap. And that’s fine! But if you have the bandwidth and ability to choose the day, here’s how I’d think about it…

If sleep is already a struggle at daycare, similar to at home, or you’re nervous about how you’ll even communicate the need for change to daycare, I’d recommend starting the sleep training process on a Friday night. By doing so, you will have three nights and two full naps days at home before sending them back to daycare. You’ll also then have a little more information behind what you’re saying, a little more confidence in the new schedule, and you can even communicate what you’re doing at home and how it’s going.

I’ve even had some parents who take a few days off work to really try to get a handle on sleep before sending their little one back to daycare, and if that’s something you can do, I think it can really help. However, that’s not feasible for everyone, so as your sleep consultant, I would never request you do so.

On the flip side, sometimes sleep at daycare is great (this is most often with toddlers!) And parents are dreading trying to make naps happen at home. For those families, I recommend starting the sleep training process on a Sunday night. That way their toddler still gets five great daycare naps in that week to help support the overnight sleep changes they’re making. And by the time you get to the weekend and are ready to nap train, your child has had six nights of this new rhythm and routine, so it won’t be such a shock to the system Saturday afternoon.

Their weekend naps may take longer to get consistent because they only have two days to practice at home versus five days at school, but consistency and the fact that their nights are getting solid will help make a big difference in the long run!

Conclusion

The goal of this blog post is sleep! We want to help you have an understanding of not only what to expect with daycare sleep but also what and how to communicate with your provider when it comes to sleep training, so that the work you’re doing at home feels worth it and like it’ll actually stick! The goal is also confidence when it comes to sleep training, and confidence that daycare sleep won’t throw a wrench in your progress at home.

Also remember that just because you sleep train at home doesn’t mean daycare sleep will suddenly become magical. Remember that your provider won’t always be able to follow your ideal schedule. Remember that you are your little one’s biggest advocate and you may have to come back to the same conversations again and again before it really sticks, and that’s okay!

You are the best parent for your little one and you’re doing a great job!

With Grace,

Lauren