We are currently in a little mini-series talking about common sleep training hesitations.

Two weeks ago, we heard from a psychologist, answering the age-old question of, “Does sleep training harm attachment?”

And last week, we answered another common question, “How much crying is involved in sleep training?”

Today, we’re continuing with another hesitation, which is all about flexibility…

Will sleep training make our life rigid?

• What if I want to enjoy a contact nap?
• Will sleep training make my baby a sleep snob?
• Does sleep training mean we’ll be stuck at home all day every day?
• We travel a lot!
• We’re not schedule-people.
• We have big kids and are busy with their activities!

Let’s answer all of those sleep training hesitations together.

Realistic Expectations During Sleep Training

I want to first start by sharing realistic expectations that are important to consider during the actual 2-3 week sleep training plan.

It is really helpful to be at home for as many sleeps as possible during those 2-3 weeks. We want to give your little one as much practice as possible to figure out this whole independent sleep thing. We also want to find what schedule works best for them and what changes might need to be made, so consistency is extra important here!

So we ask that families not travel or take little overnight trips during the 2-3 weeks of sleep training.

We know naps on the go will likely happen here or there, because that’s life, but we really encourage as many naps at home as possible, and of course, bedtimes at home, and on time, too.

So there is some “rigidity” we ask for during the 2-3 weeks sleep training plan, and that’s because we want to see quick success and know what your child’s norm or baseline is, before playing around with sitters, off schedules, and new places!

So yes, while sleep training, please be at home for as many sleeps as possible.

After you are done sleep training, however, welcome to real life!

Can we sleep train and send our baby or toddler to daycare?

The first hesitation within all of this rigidity I just want to touch on really quickly is daycare.

I’ve had some families express their desire to sleep train, but they assume that because they’re not stay-at-home moms or dads, sleep training won’t work. FALSE!

We regularly work with families whose little ones are in daycare and they can absolutely learn independent sleep!

I chat in a lot more detail about how to sleep train a kiddo in daycare, as well as realistic expectations for daycare sleep, so check out those posts if you’re unsure of what that will look like at daycare once you sleep train.

But I just want to make it very clear that your child going to daycare does not mean you can’t sleep train.

Will sleep training make my child a “sleep snob”?

Next, let’s answer a big one… “Will sleep training make my child a sleep snob? I want them to be able to sleep anywhere!”

This is a tough one, because the answer is, “It depends.” We all want to have the kiddo who can sleep in the stroller when we snap our fingers, and sleep during the basketball game because it’s nap time, or pass out on the airport floor during a layover.

But I find this to be much more temperament and personality-driven rather than because they were or were not sleep trained.

It makes sense if they’re used to napping in a dark room with white noise on, it’d be harder to nap in a gymnasium with fans clapping and screaming. Or if they’re in the stroller watching their siblings at the playground, it’s understandable that they don’t want to sleep. That’s not sleep training’s fault, that’s personality and curiosity and life!

Even thinking about my husband and me. I can sleep just about anywhere. Put me on a long road trip or on a plane? Give me 15 minutes and I’m out. But not Jason. He tries so so hard, but just can’t. Even in a new hotel room that’s perfectly dark and with a sound machine, it takes him longer to adjust to being away from home!

Now, I know some people will say that for the family who travels somewhere exotic every 3 months, those babies or toddlers will be more flexible sleepers. And to that I say, maybe! Maybe because they have more practice compared to the family with one baby who stays home most of the time.

But also, when we lived overseas and traveled every 6-12 weeks, Jason didn’t get any better at sleeping in new environments.  

I think this segways us well into the next hesitation, which is the fear that now your little one is sleep trained, you’ll be stuck at home all the time.

If we sleep train, will we be stuck at home every day?

We do NOT want you to sleep train and then all of a sudden feel like you’re trapped at home so your baby or toddler can nap in their bed!

It is absolutely helpful for your baby or toddler to continue to take regular naps at home. One, to continue using those independent sleep skills you worked so hard for. And two, to get great, consolidated, uninterrupted sleep! So to have all naps on the go all the time wouldn’t be great.

But real life happens and that’s good!

We have four kiddos, two of whom still nap. Our 3.5 year old takes an afternoon nap every day, and our 13-month-old still takes two naps.

Bedtime is almost always a bit later for everyone on our community group nights, or if we have people over for dinner.

We try to protect our 3-year-old’s nap at home as many days as possible, because naps on the go just don’t happen for her anymore. And we are all our best selves when she naps. That being said, I’d say there are probably 2 times a month we have to skip her nap due to some scheduling conflict, and we just roll with it!

But with our son’s two-nap schedule, we have to be a lot more flexible. Every Sunday, I know his morning nap will happen in the carrier at church. Thankfully, we can still count on it to happen, but I know he’ll soon be too distracted!

Every Monday, I know his morning nap will be in the carrier at our homeschool co-op.

And then there’s often another morning during the week he naps on the go, due to another co-op or sibling activity, or sometimes we have to push him to just one nap for a day due to a doctor’s appointment or something.

But being baby number four, with older siblings who don’t nap and have school activities, he has to flex a lot more than our older two did when they were babies and toddlers! And when he was taking multiple naps a day, there were some days when more than one nap had to be taken on the go.

And when possible, we just plan around his naps.

We need to drive an hour away? Let’s try to time leaving with his next nap. The birthday party is at 2? We’ll bring the carrier so he can snooze there. Want to go on a family hike at the local metro park? Let’s aim to get there no later than 10 so he can fall asleep while we’re hiking!

Sometimes the type A mom and sleep consultant in me cringes when we have too many off days in a row, but then the gracious this-is-real-life + sleep consultant in me says it’s okay! We can always get his sleep back on track if he gets thrown off.

Oppositely, I have a good friend who really sticks to her kiddos’ sleep schedule. They really try to be home for every nap, and right on time for bedtime, every night. And it works for them!

When we were visiting them last fall as part of a two-week trip we were on, she twitched a bit at hearing our travel schedule and all of the naps on the go we were relying on. Or whenever I share on Instagram how we do the fourth of July fireworks, or stay out late trick or treating, or just have an adventure day at the local metro park, she always makes some sort of comment about how I’m breaking all of the sleep rules.

In total gest, of course, but for our family, those off days are totally worth it! But for her family, those off days really stress them out, so it’s just not worth it. And I think it’s important to note how everyone is a bit different in that way, and that’s okay.

I talk all about how to handle off days, or skipped nap days, and late bedtimes in this post, so if you’re curious to learn more, definitely read it!

But with all of this, I will also say that having a sleep-trained baby and having a regular sleep schedule has actually given us more flexibility and freedom to bend and break the rules, so let me explain that.

Once babies are on a two-nap schedule, and similarly, on a one-nap schedule, we recommend a clock-based schedule. So rather than watching wake windows so closely, and their nap time being based on their morning wake-up time, their schedule is according to the clock.

And if you have no clue what I’m talking about, make sure to snag our free schedule guide!

But this set schedule means that when I book a doctor’s appointment, or pick which art class my girls will attend, or plan a play date, I can do so with those nap times in mind and can often schedule around them!

And to me, that brings a lot of freedom to keep doing life and not feel bogged down by sleep or the stress of missing naps or having a fussy baby somewhere.

If sleep is so hard and you never know when your little one will sleep, or for how long, that can make getting out of the house feel really hard. I don’t know if we can come over at 10, what if he just fell asleep? But if we’re at the park and he just won’t fall asleep, what do we do?

But when you know what to expect and can plan accordingly, there’s freedom there!

I think this segways us nicely into another hesitation, which is, “We’re really not schedule people. Do we have to be schedule people if we sleep train?”

Do we have to be “schedule-people” to sleep train?

If you’re a go-with-the-flow kind of parent and hearing me talk about schedules feels super rigid and constraining, I hear you. I do appreciate a good schedule, and I can see how restrictive that could feel to some.

So do you have to be a schedule-person to sleep train? I’m going to say this really depends on your child. Some babies are able to be a lot more flexible than other babies.

I explain undertiredness and overtiredness in this post, but the short of it is, both being undertired and being overtired can make sleep more challenging – although undertiredness often wreaks more havoc.

So being a non-schedule person and putting your baby down whenever could really backfire because they’re simply not tired enough to fall asleep or have a good sleep!

Or putting them down two hours late could backfire with fussiness during their awake period, a tougher time falling asleep, and likely a short nap due to that overtiredness.

Ideally, your little one should be able to flex by about 30 minutes day to day, if necessary. The younger they are, the harder that is, and the older they are, the easier that gets.

I’ve worked with kiddos who really can be flexible day to day, and they continue napping well and sleeping well overnight. I’ve also worked with other kiddos who really thrive on consistency and routine, and when their nap schedule is too different day to day, or their bedtime or morning wake time varies quite a bit day to day, that can actually impact their sleep.

So even if you’re a non-schedule kind of person, you may have a baby or toddler who really thrives with a schedule, and that’s important to know!

I’m not saying you have to be crazy rigid with your little one’s sleep schedule, but I am saying you may have to flex a bit there and see what your kiddo needs. That schedule consistency is often really helpful.

Can we still travel regularly if we sleep train?

I’ve had a lot of families ask if they can continue traveling regularly if they sleep train, and my answer is an easy YES!

Like I mentioned before, we ask that you stay put for the 2-3 week sleep training plan, but then travel, adventure, and make memories!

I talk all about travel in this post, so definitely listen to it for more details, but I actually think sleep training makes both traveling and returning from travel easier!

Because when you travel pre-sleep training, when sleep might be rough, you have two hard things against you and your child – sleep is already hard, which certainly isn’t going to change when you travel, and now you’re in a new environment, which is another hard! So two hards, which often lead to sleep being even harder.

I’m not saying that just because you sleep train, travel will be easy, but it will very likely be easier! Because you’ve taken out the sleep is hard piece, and now the new environment might be strange, it might take a bit longer to fall asleep, or they might fight sleep a bit more, but they’ll sleep.

Sleep training also often makes returning home from travel easier! In case sleep got thrown off while you were away, sleep training gives you sleep skills to come back to or refresh a little.

So you can absolutely still travel and adventure AND sleep train!

Can we still enjoy some contact naps after we sleep train?

Alright, final hesitation where families get nervous that sleep training will make them more rigid.

If you sleep train, can you still enjoy contact naps?

I wish this were a super clear yes or no answer, but it’s not! It really depends on your child and their personality.

I will never tell a parent, “If you sleep train, you can never contact nap again.” And I’ll never say, “If you do a contact nap, your sleep training will be ruined.” Because neither of those is true; I can say that with a lot of confidence!

Now, if you do a contact nap every day, could that mess with your child’s independent sleep? Absolutely, because consistency is really important. Just like we ideally don’t want a carrier or stroller nap or late bedtime to happen every day after sleep training.

But 80/20 rule, keeps things “on” 80% of the time, and bend the rules 20% of the time!

So maybe I’m saying pick those contact naps wisely.

With our first, I remember flying with her on an airplane multiple times, saw it was nap time, pulled out her sleep sack and a book, sang to her, and she’d pass out on us. It was EASY and it was also delightful! Or I remember going to my grandma’s once when she was around 2, and my hubby just laid in a bed with her for nap time and she passed right out, and he enjoyed the snuggles!

Our second, on the other hand, did not sleep on airplanes, and laying in a bed with her toddler self was never going to work. BUT, as a baby, I remember a handful of times I was about to lay her down for a nap and just wanted to snuggle her. So I did!

Or one time she fell and scraped her little nose on the driveway and I was so sad. And when it was time for her nap, I just didn’t lay her down, and enjoyed the delicious snuggles.

So sleep training does not have to mean the end of contact naps. We don’t want them to happen regularly, and it might be a lot harder for your little to fall asleep, or their nap might be shorter, but enjoy those contact naps when they come.

They’re especially sweet when you can choose a contact nap, rather than having to contact nap because your baby or toddler won’t sleep any other way!

Conclusion

The goal of this post is to help ease the fears that sleep training is going to take away the flexible and fun lifestyle you’re hoping to continue.

• Can you sleep train a baby or toddler who goes to daycare every day? YES!
• Will sleep training make your baby a sleep snob? Probably not, personality is more in charge here!
• Do you have to stay home all day every day after you sleep train? What about other kids’ activities? NO, you don’t have to be stuck at home, there’s absolutely a balance of prioritizing sleep, and living real life!
• If you’re not a schedule-person, can you still sleep train? Yes! You will probably have to become more of a schedule person, but some kiddos are able to be pretty flexible!
• Can you sleep train and still travel? YES!
• Can you still enjoy some contact naps after sleep training? YES, probably, if your little one will actually sleep on you.

So the goal is to make you feel like you have more freedom than you might actually think you’ll have, and to help show how sleep training can actually give some of that freedom.

Also know that when we say we personalize sleep plans for families, this is some of what we chat through during our time together:

• What should communication with daycare look like?
• Can we still go to the library story time every Wednesday?
• We have to get sis from school at this time, how do we handle the baby’s nap when it overlaps?
• We have a late birthday party in three weeks, how should we handle bedtime?

So for those who really thrive on a rigid schedule and are terrified of messing up sleep by having one car nap a month? We’d love to help you loosen up a bit and get a little crazy and maybe even have two car naps this month.

But for those who can’t imagine being confined to a schedule, we’d love to help you see the benefit in a sleep schedule, but also still feel like you can be spontaneous and not feel bogged down.

So if you’re reading this and you’re like, “Yes, that’s me, heeeeelp!” See what it would look like to work together, so we can not only help you sleep train, but also think about how to navigate real life and still sleep well.

And make sure to come back next week for another sleep training hesitation!

With Grace,

Lauren