Question for you…

Have you ever been worried about being out late with your baby or toddler because they might fall asleep in the car, and then what? Or have you ever tried transferring a sleeping baby to their bed for the night and it just didn’t go well?

If so, this post is for you…

We’re going to talk all about how to transfer a sleep baby or toddler from the car to their crib or bed for the night.

This might seem like an oddly specific topic , and that’s because it is! But we’re talking about it because I talk about it a lot. I regularly have clients ask, “What do we do when community group runs late and he falls asleep on the drive home?”

“How do we handle next Friday’s rehearsal dinner? We’ll be out later than usual and I’m worried she’ll fall asleep in the car. Will that mess everything up?”

I regularly have families who think that they can’t do fun things, can’t be out late, can’t go to this event, because it’ll make bedtime late, or their child’s sleep might be disrupted.

And I get it – you’ve worked so hard on their sleep and you remember what it was like when sleep was so tough, and you just can’t go back there again. But I also want you to hear me say, one off day, or one off night won’t mess everything up. And that off day is worth it for the memories!

AND there are tips and tricks we can still apply on off nights to hopefully make it slightly less off – tools you can keep in your back pocket in case the transfer doesn’t go as well as what you were hoping for.

Before I really dive in, I just want to caveat this by saying I’m specifically talking about transferring from the car to the crib or bed at nighttime.

I’m not talking about nap time. Could these strategies also work for nap time? Maybe, for some kids, sometimes. Naps are just a whole other beast, because we don’t have melatonin on our side during the day. So if these strategies work for nap time, awesome. But I’m really talking about bedtime.

I will also say that in my experience, transferring babies and toddlers who are sleep trained is a lot easier than those who are not sleep trained! That doesn’t mean just because your little one is sleep trained it’ll be a piece of cake. And it’s not to say if your little one isn’t sleep trained it’ll be a disaster.

But if your baby or toddler is used to falling asleep independently – or if your older child understands the boundaries around bedtime and staying in their room – doing so from the car often won’t be such a surprise or challenge.

Prepare Ahead of Time!

If you know you will be out late and there’s a chance your baby or toddler will fall asleep on the drive home, pack and plan for bedtime!

Bring their jammies and change them before you get in the car. If they still nurse at bedtime or need a bottle, feed them before you leave so you ideally don’t have to feed them when you get home. And have some sort of portable sound machine with you – even just your phone is great.

And if you have a toddler or older child, part of this prep will also be talking to them about what’s going to happen. Whether that’s, “As soon as we get home, you’re heading right upstairs and into bed.”

Or, “We’re going to get to Grandma’s house in two hours. You will be asleep when we get there, so we’ll scoop you up and take you right to bed. You’ll play with Grandma when you wake up in the morning.”

That prep goes a long way!

How to Transfer a Sleeping Baby from their Car Seat to their Crib at Bedtime

I think it’s easiest to transfer babies from the car to their crib when they’re in the bucket seat that you can easily take in and out of the car. So if they’re in the bucket seat, keep your baby in their car seat and carry it right to their bedroom.

I like to have some sort of sound machine on during this walk, if possible, just to keep sounds somewhat consistent, but it’s not must. I also like walking through a dark house, if possible, to have the best chance of keeping them asleep.

When we used to live in Virginia and would make the 10 hour trek to visit my parents in Ohio, we always planned for the last 2-3 hours to be once the kids were sleeping. So we’d call my parents when we were two minutes out and they’d turn all the lights off in the house to help make the transfer more successful!

And my parents would have a pack ‘n play all ready to go, so there wasn’t much prep that needed to happen. But when we travel somewhere and need to set up all of our stuff, I usually stay in the car with the sleeping kiddos, and Jason runs in to set it up and we go from there.

So with a baby in a bucket seat, I go into the nursery, turn the sound machine on, get the sleep sack all ready, and then as quickly and smoothly as possible, I scoop the baby out of the car seat, maybe sing or shush as I do so, get them in their sleep sack, keep singing or shushing, and then the goal is to lay them down.

With a baby in a normal car seat you can’t just carry into the house, so I’d simply scoop them out of the car, again ideally have lights out and some sort of sound machine with me, get to their room, sleep sack on as I shush or sing, and ideally lay them right in their crib.

With our current baby who is 7 months old and not sleep trained, I don’t just lay him down, because he stirs awake when I get him out and he won’t be able to put himself to sleep. So with him, I try to rock him right back to sleep, or if he’s having trouble, I nurse him back to sleep and then transfer him like we normally do.  

If he were to still be pretty much asleep after I scooped him out and put him in his sleep sack, I’d try to lay him down and maybe keep my hand on his back for 30 seconds or so to make sure he’s settled in bed.

With our older kids who were sleep trained, again, the end goal was to scoop them into their sleep sacks and pretty quickly lay them down! If they popped their head up when we laid them down, I might try to put him hand on them for just a moment to show them that it’s okay, they can go to sleep. But whether or not that hand helped them, I’d then walk away. I knew they could put themselves to sleep, so I’d leave the room, with a 10 minute leave and check in my mind in case they really struggled.

I’d say it was not uncommon for them to just go right back to sleep, no problem, and it also wasn’t uncommon for them to cry for 2-3 minutes and then put themselves to sleep.

It was not common for them to really fight or struggle, and again, is that because they were sleep trained or was it just their little personalities? I can’t be sure, but I know the independent sleep skills helped!

But if they were really upset, my goal would be to wait a full 10 minutes, but depending on the level of crying, I’d probably pop back in closer to the 7 minute mark to help them. It can be confusing to be sleeping in one place and then all of a sudden get plopped somewhere else, especially if that somewhere else isn’t your normal bedroom at home.

So at that point, I’d start with the least hands on interventions and build up according to what they actually needed.

I’d first try to just shush and pat them from the side of the crib. If that didn’t work, I’d then try to pick them up to calm them, rock a bit, sing to them, and lay them back down. Maybe put my hand on their back again to continue settling them.

If that didn’t work, I’d try to rock them for longer, then lay them down with my hand on their back. And if that didn’t work, I’d just try to nurse them back to sleep! At that point, we just want sleep to happen, this is a one-off kind of night, just get to sleep.

But if none of that worked, then I’d recommend doing a bedtime reset. All the details are in this post, but you essentially rewind all the way back to the start of the bedtime routine: lights back on, take a break, change their diaper, sleep sack back on, read books again, then back to lights out, sound machine on, lay them down, and that’s it – just like you would on a normal bedtime night.

You’re using that bedtime routine to help re-signal to their little brain that it is, indeed, bedtime. They’ve already got that melatonin pumping to help their physical body, so it’s like we’re trying to help their confused brain catch up now.

And then if they’re still struggling after that reset, and again, if they’re sleep trained so we know they have the skills to fall asleep on their own, then I’d treat this like a random night where they’re struggling to fall asleep for whatever reason – I’d try to stick to a 10 minute leave and check as much as possible.

How to Transfer Sleeping Toddlers from the Car to their Bed at Bedtime

Now when it comes to transferring your toddlers or older kids from the car to their crib or bed, it’s pretty much the same! Although there might be some more language used, or they might have to do some of the walking.

So you get home, or to your final destination, and ideally head straight up to their room. Get their sleep sack on and lay them down, or tuck them right in, and kiss them goodnight! If they’re kind of awake or stirring, say your usual, “I love you, have a good sleep!” And then leave.

You might even reference that their Hatch is red and, “Red means bed,” or you might say, “See you in the morning when your Hatch turns blue.” You’re helping reassure them that this is now a normal night, even though falling asleep in the car wasn’t normal.

If they’re struggling as you leave, say something like, “I love you, show me how you lay down quietly and I’ll come check on you soon.” Or if they need something more concrete say, “I’m going to go to the bathroom and then I’ll come back and check on you.” Or I’m going to go empty the dishwasher, fill my water bottle, kiss brother goodnight…something they know is pretty quick, and they can hang onto the fact that you’ll come back and do a check in.

I remember a few times at my parents’ house our oldest would struggle more with this transition (she honestly struggled to sleep in new place the first 3ish years of her life), so stack on a car to crib transfer in a place that’s not home, and it was tough!

And so I’d sit outside her bedroom door. There was a boundary – I wasn’t in there holding her hand, because she was totally capable of independent sleep – but she needed some reassurance, so I sat outside the door with it cracked open, gently reassuring her with my voice every few minutes, until she was asleep.

Or similar to what I said with babies, that bedtime reset mentioned might come in handy! If they are just fighting sleep, or for whatever reason it’s just not happening, do a full reset. Get them out of bed, go potty again, maybe even brush their teeth again. Read some stories, then lights out again, sound machine on, and kiss them goodnight.

And again, think about the least hands on interventions to the most. If, for whatever reason, you have to end up holding their hand as they fall asleep, or laying next to them in bed – that’s okay! I don’t recommend you jump to that right away, but if all else fails, we need sleep to happen, so let’s make it happen.

And again, this is just one night! It won’t mess everything up.

I mentioned our long drives to Ohio and how we’d do the last 2-3 hours when our kids were asleep in the back. Our older girls would be so excited when we got to grandma and grandpa’s house, so even though they had just been sleeping, we’d let them hang out downstairs for about 10 minutes, hanging with their grandparents (lights dim, so not a fully part with full overhead lights), and then we’d go upstairs, and essentially do their bedtime routine from scratch.

They had a bit of a second wind from all of the excitement, but the fact that it was late and melatonin was on their side, plus they were used to the boundaries of, once mom and dad say goodnight and shut my door I stay in my room, it was totally fine!

With this, I just want to put in a little plug for our travel sleep guide. Because I find that this car to crib or bed scenario comes up much more regularly when we travel, so there’s actually a quick page in our travel guide about this car to bed transfer.

If you’re planning on traveling soon and you’re nervous about what your baby or toddler’s sleep will look like, and you’re thinking through all of the potential challenging scenarios that might come up, our travel sleep guide was created with you in mind! So snag it to help take some of that sleep anxiety off your chest.

Conclusion

The whole goal of this post is to first let you know that it’s okay to bend and break the rules sometimes. Yes, schedules and routines are important, but so is living a little and making the fun memories! And the other goal of this episode is to help walk you through what to do if your baby or toddler falls asleep on the drive home and you need to transfer them to bed.

If your little one has not been sleep trained, you’re likely going to help them back to sleep however you normally would at home!

If they are sleep trained, however, remember to try to transfer them and treat it like a normal night! If, however, they clearly need more help, start with the least hands on interventions and build up according to what they need.

Also remember that the car to crib transfer might go really well – yay! Or it might not go so well, which is so frustrating. But then remember this is just one night, and one off night won’t mess everything up. The memories or rule breaking is worth it.

With Grace,

Lauren