We usually stick to sleep content here, but this post is a peak inside our family life as it relates to school! I think I’ve mentioned this before, but we are a homeschooling family, but that was not our original plan.
So, with the end of the school year upon us, I think my goal here is to just share openly and honestly about homeschooling! Mostly why we love it, and also what’s hard about it.
My goal with this post is just to share. I’m not trying to convince anyone to homeschool.
But if you’ve been a homeschool naysayer (like I was!), maybe this will help shed a different light on it.
Or if you’re on the fence about homeschooling, maybe this will help you decide to do it! Or maybe it’ll help you realize homeschooling might not be the best for your family.
I’m just giving you a transparent peak into our life as a homeschooling family and the pros and cons for us.
I’ll be sharing:
- Why we originally decided to homeschool, and why we’re still homeschoooling now
- What we love about homeschooling
- What we don’t love about homeschooling
- Some common misconceptions about homeschooling
Why We Decided to Homeschool
To be totally honest, not only was homeschooling not our original plan, I RAGED against homeschooling. Growing up, I really never heard about it, and if I did, those were the “weird kids.” And in high school and college, I definitely thought homeschooling was weird.
I then got my degree in elementary education, so I was all for the public school system (important side note, but I’m not all of a sudden against the public school system). All this to say, I was not into homeschooling.
After Jason and I got married, the church we attended had tons of homeschoolers. The vast majority of kids were homeschooled, and I stuck my nose up at it! Swore I would never.
My husband and mom joked several times that I’d surely homeschool one day, and I knew I just wouldn’t.
After being around so many homeschooling families, I definitely started softening toward it. I was able to see how homeschooling was a really great fit for some kids and families, but not others. And how even within the same family, sometimes homeschooling was a good fit for some of the kids but not the others.
So by the time we were parents, I wasn’t raging against it so hard, but I definitely wasn’t ever going to do it. Our kids were going to public school!
But then our oldest, who was almost 5 at the time, was diagnosed with cancer, and guess what decision we made real fast…that we were going to homeschool.
Not that year, as we had already decided on waiting an extra year before kindergarten. She’s an end of August birthday, so the teacher in me basically decided while we were pregnant that we’d send her when she was 6.
But given her treatment and prognosis, we just weren’t sending her to school for 40 hours a week.
And the rest is history! So we started our homeschooling journey really out of necessity, and have continued because we really love it; it’s been a really great fit for our family.
I wasn’t sure if it’d be as great a fit for our second daughter, Avery, as it had been for our oldest, but I wanted to try so they could be each other’s buddies all day. And thankfully, it’s gone incredibly well and they’re both loving it, as am I!
I still don’t intend to homeschool forever, like through high school, though I used to say K-2, and now I’m thinking K-5, and we all know that could change 100 more times.
But for now, we love it and are so thankful it’s an option for us.
Our Favorite Things About Homeschooling
Now I want to share what I really love about homeschooling and why it’s been such a gift to our family!
And I’ll probably say this a few times, but let me preface this all by saying the reasons we love homeschooling, or the pros of homeschooling for our family, are for us! I’m not saying homeschooling is the best and I’m not saying therefore everyone should homeschool, because that’s just not true!
I also realize homeschooling isn’t an option for everyone, so me sharing why we love homeschooling is not intended to make anyone feel bad. I’m just sharing.
Extra time to be kids!
I think what sticks out the most to me is that our kids have so much time to just be kids – to play outside, to build forts, to make glittery and sticky crafts.
Right now, with one finishing kindergarten and the other finishing second grade, we’re almost always done with school by lunchtime. And that’s starting around 9:30 or 10 am, most days. So the amount of time our girls can just straight up play and be kids is huge!
There’s no morning rush to get out the door, or evening scramble to fit in any activities and then dinner, and homework. So just having so much time has been such a gift.
Extra sibling time
Extra sibling time is another big one for me. I don’t know if it’s Busy Toddler who says this a lot (a lot of people have probably said it), but siblings or family members are really the only guaranteed people who will be in our lives for the long haul. I know family relationships aren’t always perfect, but if you move, siblings come with. Whereas if you move, your friends stay back. Or if a friend moves, they’re just gone.
So while you can absolutely have friends from all of those walks of life – those friends are so precious – siblings are the only ones who will for sure be there.
So to be able to nurture and grow that sibling friendship so much is huge. I want my kids’ childhood to be filled with memories together!
But a little plug here again: please don’t hear me say that kids who go to school won’t have a great sibling bond or childhood memories together, because that’s just not true! I’m just sharing one of the many reasons we love homeschooling, and that’s more time for siblings to be together. Which, yes, also means more time for siblings to argue.
More time to be outside
I already mentioned more time outside, but I want to pause here again. Outside time is of great value in our family, and I love it when I can say yes to sledding before school. Or yes to getting bathing suits and running in the rain after lunch. Or doing school outside! Reading our books on the front porch while James is napping, doing math while your siblings scooter up and down the driveway. Or hours outside between lunch and dinner!
We all need more fresh air and sunshine in our lives.
More time to learn other things
Another pro is just all the extra time our kids have to learn other things. They have more time to learn to cook, to learn to clean, to help fold laundry, and to grocery shop. They are around for three meals a day, and all of the cleaning and shopping, so by the time they’re teens, they’ve just clocked so many more hours learning how a household runs, watching it, taking part in it.
And caring for siblings! These girls have had an extra up-close look at caring for a baby these last 15 months. Or sometimes when I’m working with one kiddo, I’ll ask the other to be on Isla duty. Their job for the next 15-20 minutes is to entertain the toddler, think of ideas she’d enjoy, and enter her world of make-believe instead of leading the charge. They have to put her interests before their own for a bit, and it’s just good for them! And very helpful for me.
Younger siblings learn from listening to older siblings learn
Another sibling piece is how much the younger siblings soak up just from overhearing reading lessons or watching handwriting practice. Our kindergartener had a big leg up when we started formal lessons this year because she had gleaned so much just from being around Olivia as she was learning!
More time to pour into our kids spiritually
Another bonus of having extra time is that we’ve been able to pour more into our kiddos spiritually. As Christians, we try to be intentional about doing a family devotion after dinner time, pray before bed, and keeping scripture and the gospel central in our lives. Which we will never be perfect at, but with the kids home all day, we’re able to include Bible reading and scripture memory as part of our school day, and learning new hymns as part of our regular rhythm. And the fruit of that has been sweet, both for me and the kids.
We use our “village” to help
Something else that’s been really sweet this year, even compared to the last couple, is I’ve learned to use our village more. Our neighbor across the street is a huge sewer and I just don’t have that skill, let alone the time to do it with my kids. So they go to her house for almost two hours every week and they sew together! I don’t know who loves this time more, my girls or Miss Holly.
The girls also FaceTime with my mom for about 30 minutes one morning a week and do a little French class with her, because she’s fluent! So she gets sweet grandma time with them, but is also teaching them. Which is great for them, and takes something off my plate.
Extracurricular activities don’t take away from our family time
In a similar realm of activities, when homeschooling, there’s just more time in the day or the week to do various activities, while still having so much free time or family time. Because homeschooling is becoming so much more popular, there are a lot of activities that have homeschool hours or classes now.
Our girls participated in a homeschool choir this spring that was on Friday from 1-2. They’ve also done a homeschool art class that once a week from 1-2:30.
I know some ballet studios and gymnastics places have homeschool classes, so there are a lot of options!
There are many opportunities for co-ops
There are also so many co-ops out there. This past year, we participated in a co-op every Monday morning for 10 weeks in the fall and 10 weeks in the spring. The kids were all in classes according to their age groups (even my toddler and baby!), there was a teacher (another child’s mom), they had to raise their hand, and learn as a group.
So I loved that they have some practice learning in a school-like environment, listening to someone else as their authority and, not always getting called on. I also that they take cool and fun classes, like learning about artists, science experiments, and Lego class. It’s fun, enrichment-type learning.
We also participated in a more nature-based co-op twice a month, where we’d do some sort of nature hike one of those mornings, and more nature-based STEM learning and activities the other morning.
So there are a lot of opportunities to get out of the house, with other homeschool families, learn together, and make friends with other kiddos.
Flexibility in schedule
The last pro I’ll share of homeschooling is the flexibility. With Olivia’s treatment schedule for three years, we just had to be flexible. Nothing was a given or super consistent or predictable; we had to constantly flex or be ready to pivot. And homeschooling allowed us to continue doing so. It’s also made traveling so much easier.
When we go visit my parents, we can go during the week or stay for a long weekend, and not worry about missing school. We can bring schoolwork with us, or just not do schoolwork those days.
I don’t do any set Spring breaks, or Christmas breaks, or take federal holidays off (although many homeschool families do), because we have enough one-off days during the year that it makes up for it!
And I’ve just found that extra flexibility to be invaluable, especially in this season of young kids. And my husband and I both have jobs that can be mostly done virtually, so where we physically are can be super flexible!
“Homeschooling is a way of life”
At some point in our first year of homeschooling, I remember hearing a veteran homeschool mom say something like, “Homeschooling isn’t about the curriculum and education, it’s a way of life.”
And I honestly didn’t understand what she meant by that! I was so wrapped up in what curriculum we chose, and getting through the book, and checking things off the list – that was homeschooling for me.
Now three years in, although I’m no veteran at this, I totally understand what she means now. And it’s everything I just shared!
To us, homeschooling means giving our girls a great education that we get to map out for them. But it also means so much more time to play and be kids, to be outside, to be together, to be with family, to help around the house. And this way of life is sweet right now.
Today, for example, as I drafted this post, is a great example of what I’m talking about. Three of the kiddos were up by 7:30 this morning, and we were eating breakfast by about 8:15. But Olivia slept until 9. That’s not her norm, but I’d say at least once a week, one of the girls sleeps in, and we have freedom to do so!
I then started school with Avery while Olivia was finishing breakfast, then put James down for his morning nap and started school with Olivia. And then the girls had a basketball camp from 1-3, and then had the rest of the day to just be!
And this basketball camp is not a homeschool thing; most schools in our area just let out last week. But we still need a few weeks to wrap up our schooling, and I love that it works! And again, we still have all evening together as a family to just be.
Now again, I have to say that I didn’t share all of this to make you feel bad if you aren’t homeschooling, or if you can’t homeschool. But if you’re wondering if homeschooling is for you, maybe this got your wheels turning! Or if you’ve stuck your nose up at homeschooling for a while, maybe this gives you a bit more understanding of why families could ever choose to do such a thing.
But with the positives, I also want to be transparent about the negatives, or the cons, too!
What’s Hard About Homeschooling
While we love homeschooling and plan to continue doing so for the foreseeable future, it’s not all butterflies and rainbows! Some days are hard. Some seasons are hard. And there are definitely times I feel like my younger kiddos are missing out, especially.
Saying I want to list out “cons” of homeschooling sounds strange, because I don’t think you can just make a pros and cons list and see which one is longer, but I don’t know how else to categorize this.
So now I’m going to chat through some cons of homeschooling, or the tougher parts.
The toddler’s days are planned around homeschooling
I’d say what hits me the most is my three-year-old. Not really my 15-month-old yet, but with my toddler. When my oldest was her age, we were at playgrounds in the morning, hanging out with friends, reading together, crafting, and just playing.
Whereas my three-year-old now is hanging around the house as mom and big sisters are doing schoolwork. There are certainly pros there for her, too, but I do occasionally get bummed thinking about what Olivia’s mornings looked like as a toddler versus Isla’s.
It’s hard to balance being both teacher and mom
Another con is that it can be tough to be teacher and mom. Trying to wear both hats well, and at the same time, but also having boundaries there – like when we’re making birthday lists for fun, we’re not fixing the backwards s or caring about finger spacing. But when we’re doing schoolwork, we are focusing on those things!
But also thinking about behavior and discipline. When the girls bicker during school, we’re obviously going to address that, just as a teacher in school would. But as their mom, that probably looks different at home than it would at school, and I can take it more personally or let it impact what’s next a bit more. And even behaviors with the other kiddos.
When my toddler scales the pantry shelves and opens a Reese, or when we don’t want to clean up the Lego she poured all over the floor; we have a lot more interruptions and starts and stops, because this isn’t just school, this is also home, and we have four kids!
Or when little James was born and had to be held for all sleep the first nine months of his life, he would snooze in the carrier while I was doing school, and that was tough!
So there are going to be a lot more life interruptions when we’re homeschooling, and I’m still learning to be okay with them.
I also recognize that those interruptions are seasonal, or the kinds of interruptions are very based on our current life circumstances that change as kids get older. I’m sure we’ll keep having interruptions, even with older kids; they’ll just look different.
I had a friend who homeschooled her daughter for kindergarten and quickly learned it was not a great fit. Being together all the time, and balancing teacher and mom, was actually really tough on their relationship and just didn’t work for them. So now her daughter’s in school and it’s a much better fit for everyone!
Another teacher/mom tough spot is with the way our days are structured. I’m with the kids all morning, which is when we get school done, and then if I have work, it’s somewhere in the afternoon between 1-4, or 3-5. Part of which is nap and quiet time.
So sometimes we get to dinner and the kids haven’t had a lot of just mom! They had teacher-mom, then solo play time, then dad time while I was working, and then mom again at dinner.
My daughter will sometimes say, “I feel like I haven’t seen you much today, or we didn’t have any snuggle time.” And my knee-jerk reaction is, “We’ve literally been together all day.” But then when I think about what our time together actually looked like, I hear her!
So it can be tough to balance both hats and feel like I’m really doing that well.
I feel the pressure to teach everything myself
With that teacher/mom balance, I also feel the pressure to be all things to my kids, or teach all things to them.
For example, I know a lot of French, so I’ll teach them French. I’ll just teach myself how to sew so I can teach them. I can play basic piano, I’ll teach them piano! Swim lessons? I taught those in high school, I’ve got this!
However, I am also a sleep consultant, and also have to clean the house, and help prep meals, and drive my kids places.
I just find that when I’m also the teacher, I put extra pressure on myself to teach even more than what’s actually required, because I can or am able.
Maybe that’s just specific to me, but it’s tough!
If mom is sick or away, school doesn’t really happen
And the last con that sticks out is when I’m sick, or out of town, or when we had a baby, school doesn’t really get done. My hubby is wonderful and he’s certainly done some schooling for me, but it’s not the same. And I have to prep “sub plans”. Plus he has work!
And if I’m sick and really out of it, he’s also focused on me. Or if I’m out of town, he’s just focused on surviving and keeping routines semi-on track. Or if we just had a baby, he’s tired too, and we’re in survival mode. We can’t just send the kids to school; that happens here. So that’s tough.
As of now, none of these cons are reason enough for us not to homeschool, but they really are for some families! And might be one day, for us, so we have to be mindful of what’s working and what’s not, and keep the conversation very open for when we might need to shift.
Common Misconceptions and Questions About Homeschooling
Cost
Homeschooling is not cheap! It’s certainly not private school tuition, but it’s not free like public school. You have to buy curriculum, books, and supplies. You often have to pay for co-ops, should you choose to join one. And those costs add up quickly! Especially if you have multiple kids.
And homeschooling either means one parent stays home while the other works, or one works part-time, or works night shift to make homeschooling possible. So the actual cost for curriculum, books, and supplies is one thing, but also the time cost isn’t communicated about a lot!
In order to homeschool, you can’t be doing something else during that time, so it can be tough!
Homeschoolers are “weird”
Believe me, I thought that was true for a long time, and I think that can very much be true. In fact, earlier this year, I heard a middle-schooler in one of our co-ops say something like, “I’m scared of public school kids.” And I definitely cringed. That is NOT the goal here and that just makes me sad.
So one, as I mentioned with co-ops, those are great opportunities for kids to be around other kids, make friends, and socialize. We also go to church every week with lots of kids, and host our community group once a week with kids, so those are more regular relationships the kids have. Not to mention any activities we participate in.
I wish we had neighborhood kids, but we sadly just don’t. Thankfully, our older neighbors are wonderful, though.
Our kids also have each other. Having each other all day long is absolutely socializing and shouldn’t be minimized. I do definitely feel a pressure to be mindful of getting together with other kids and making sure our girls have ample opportunities to make friends, but I also think it’s easy to assume homeschooled kids don’t socialize, and that’s just false. There are lots of opportunities, you just have to be intentional!
I think this is another Busy Toddler-ism, which, sidenote, if you don’t follow her on Instagram, I can’t recommend her enough! But she often reminds people that kids interacting with adults, whether that be mom and dad, grandparents, neighbors, co-op leaders, is socializing! Their interacting with other human beings, and even being comfortable doing so with other adults, is a life skill!
Homeschooling should look just like regular school
Another misconception is that homeschool is like regular school, and it’s just not! Or people hear that school takes us two hours, and they think we must be falling way short since other kids are in school for eight hours!
And I remind them that in a standard classroom, there are 25-30 kids. And they have to unload backpacks, have morning time together, line up, walk in the hallways, go to recess, lunch, and specials, etc. And that all takes TIME!
Each student doesn’t get direct reading instruction every day, or small group math lessons every day. So 10-20 minutes of direct reading instruction and direct math instruction is plenty. We have specific science learning, and also so much of life, and just being outside, and talking about what we see is science. Same with social studies. We have direct learning, and also so much of life is learning!
Yes, our kids don’t have PE, or art, or music, so I do have to think about how I want to supplement those things. But we’re figuring it out!
I will also say, as a former teacher, I’ve had to do a lot of unlearning. I still have to remind myself that homeschooling my kiddos is not like teaching in public school. Or I compare experiences, and you just can’t.
Don’t homeschool alone!
Another plug I want to put in here, not a misconception but just worth saying…
I feel strongly that you can’t homeschool alone! That doesn’t mean you have to be in a co-op, I know people who don’t do any co-ops, and they’re thriving. But it is so helpful to have friends who also homeschool! To bounce ideas off, to learn from, to commiserate with and share the “uuugh, me too!” moments with (usually relating to toddlers), to talk curriculum with, and just to feel not alone with.
Other homeschool mom friends are just so invaluable.
State requirements to homeschool
Final little tidbit I’ll share, again, not a misconception, just more of a hmm, interesting, especially if you don’t homeschool!
Every state has different requirements when it comes to homeschooling.
For our first year of homeschooling, we lived in Virginia. And to homeschool there, we had to send our letter of intent, basically saying why we’re homeschooling, and then we had to send some sort of proof that I, myself, was educated. I think I had to either show a college transcript (it may have been high school, but I think it was college), or a teaching license, or maybe a letter from someone saying I could do it. I don’t totally remember, but I had to prove to some extent that I could do this.
And we had to give a little blurb about the curriculum we were using. Then, at the end of the year, kids either have to take a standardized test to prove learning happened, or you have to hire a licensed person to come look at everything you did and chat with your kiddo, and then send a letter to the state saying you did it. We had a friend at church who was actually licensed to do so, and that was wonderful. So definitely a bit of a process there, but nothing crazy.
In Ohio, however, it’s crazy lax. Which is nice, as a homeschool mom, but also a bit terrifying thinking about people who may abuse it. We have to send a letter of intent at the beginning of the school year, which is basically a signed paper saying, “We’re homeschooling.” And that’s it! Nothing at the end of the year, no curriculum talk, nothing. It’s super hands-off.
Whereas other states give money to homeschooling families if they meet certain requirements, or require more “proof” at the end of the year.
It’s pretty wild how different it can be state to state, and I think just interesting.
Conclusion
The whole goal of this post is just to shed light on homeschooling! Why we love it, and why it’s also hard sometimes.
I hope it helps clear up some confusion for people, maybe gives you some light bulb moments, maybe convinces you we’re not all that crazy, or maybe it’s what you needed to hear to think, “Mmm, maybe not for us.”
I just wanted to have an open conversation about it!
Please also remember that homeschooling is not for everybody! And your schooling decision, whether that’s public school, private school, hybrid school, homeschool, does not make you a great or terrible parent! You are an amazing parent, simply because you love your kiddos and do what’s best for your family.
With Grace,
Lauren
