Have you ever wondered how in the world families get sleep when their kids share a bedroom? Or are you coming upon a season where your kids either need to share a room, or you want them to share a room, but you’re nervous about how it will go?
If you answered yes to any of those questions, today’s post is for you! We’re diving into all things sibling room sharing.
My older two are almost 7 and 5, and they’ve been sharing a room since they were 3 and just shy of 1, and we’ve loved it!
But let me tell you, I was nervous to put them together. We were in a two-bedroom apartment at the time and our now middle daughter, Avery, slept in our room for the first 11 months of her life. I honestly like having our babes in our room, and she was in the SlumberPod so it still felt like we had our own space. But the goal was certainly to put the girls together.
We actually had two cribs in the room for a few months, so it was all ready, it was just a matter of mama being ready. But also, my husband and I hadn’t had our own room in three years, so it was time!
So as a sleep consultant and mama of room-sharing kiddos, I’ve come up with eight tips to help your kids share a room and still sleep well. Those tips include:
- Making sure your kids are both good sleepers
- Determining if you should stagger bedtimes or keep them the same
- Waiting before responding if you hear one child wake up
- Having a “backup” plan if it’s an especially tough night
- Using one sound machine for each child
- Using a toddler clock with older kids
- Separating babies and toddlers for naps
- Preparing your kids for room-sharing
1. Make sure they’re both good sleepers!
This is not to say you can’t put siblings together who don’t sleep well.
But, if one or both kids are still struggling with sleep and you have another option, it’s best to keep them separated until they’re falling asleep independently and sleeping through the night. I wouldn’t want further challenges to emerge as a result of room sharing!
Because you will have off nights here and there – it happens – your kids are real human beings. But solid sleep skills help get them fall back to sleep smoothly or get back on track quickly.
Similarly, if one of your kids is sick, or going through a regression, or you plan to travel soon, it’s best to wait until you are consistently back to your normal schedule and routine and everyone is healthy, before you put your kids together.
2. How to think through same bedtimes or staggered bedtimes
Staggered Bedtimes
If your kids are in separate age brackets (i.e. baby and toddler, or toddler and school-aged child), it’s helpful to stagger bedtimes by about 15-30 minutes in order to reduce distractions at bedtime. This not only allows one child to fall asleep before the next gets to bed, but it also helps each child get their individual cuddles and quality time with parents before bed.
When they first started room sharing, Olivia, who was three at the time, went to bed around 7/7:15, and Avery, our almost one-year-old, went to bed around 7:30. Olivia had already dropped her nap, so she needed an earlier bedtime, and Avery was still on two-nap schedule but nearing the transition to one nap, so she needed a slightly later bedtime!
Once Avery transitioned to one nap, she needed an earlier bedtime, so from then on she has always gone to bed first and Olivia later. There have certainly been days when they go to bed at the same time, maybe if we’re out extra late or something, and it’s fine, but we enjoy having separate bedtimes.
And we just quickly “sneak the other in”, whisper sing, and tuck them in! And we just read their book in our room or the living room. Staggered bedtimes have worked really well for us!
Same Bedtimes
If your children are on similar schedules, it most often makes sense to do bedtime together. If they struggle with chatting forever or constantly getting up, just make sure you establish expectations around what it should look like and sound like when the lights go off.
3. WAIT to respond
I know this sounds scary, and quite honestly, it is! But if you hear one child stirring or making noise, do not rush in right away. We don’t want to stimulate them and cause a longer wake-up, potentially waking the other by coming in, and we also don’t want to get in the pattern of the moment they wake up, we rush in, so every time they stir they expect us to be right there.
So try to wait at least 10 minutes, like we always recommend, and then gauge from there if it’d be most helpful to respond or to give your child a few more minutes to try to settle.
Again, I know this is scary because we don’t want to wake the other sibling and cause a scene. But honestly, after almost four years of having kids share a bedroom, this has rarely happened! And when it has, it’s rarely an issue.
It’s not uncommon for Avery to stir around 10:30/11 pm – she did it most nights as a baby and young toddler, and now it’s maybe just once a week. But sometimes that would be 30 seconds of screaming, sometimes just sitting up and chatting, sometimes sleep-talking nonsense. But then she goes back to sleep.
And from the start, Olivia has rarely woken up! And if she does, we can see on the monitor, it’s almost like she looks up, kind of like “what ‘s going on,” – “oh, it’s just Avery,” and she goes back to sleep. She’s used to it so it’s not a big deal!
When Avery was younger, she was definitely more sensitive to Olivia making any kind of noise, but more recently, there have been times when Olivia has gotten sick in the night, we go in and not only clean her up but the bed, too, and it’s quite the commotion – and Avery doesn’t move!
I’m not saying my kids are perfect, and surely some kids are lighter sleepers. But the times are girls have woken each other? We’re able to go in and shush them, assure them that we’re there, we are taking care of things, and they’re good.
And sometimes that even means both my husband and I go in there and we divide and conquer. There have been times one has woken the other and the other is just upset out of confusion and sleepiness! So while I handle the soaked pull-up or get the extra blanket, Jason rubs the other’s back and sings to her to help calm her back down.
This brings me to my next tip, though…
4. Have a back-up option
In case of a really off night – maybe one sibling gets sick, or for whatever reason one has an awful wake-up and it’s just better to split them for the night – have a pack-n-play or toddler mattress in the hallway closet, or your bedroom closet (not their room!) so you can easily set it up in your room, or the guest room, for the rest of the night.
There have maybe been 2-3 times when that’s just been the right call for us, and we’re thankful it was a quick and easy setup!
5. Have a sound machine for each child
One more way to try to make sure your kids don’t wake each other in the night when they’re room sharing is to give each of them a sound machine. In two of our apartments, our girls’ beds were far enough apart that they both had a sound machine next to their crib and bed.
In our current house, their room is pretty small so their beds are close together, so they have a sound machine between them. They also have a sound machine by the door to their room to help block out extra noise from our toddler or if we have friends over or something.
A sound machine certainly won’t 100% drown out a sibling – if it does it’s too loud! But it can be that constant sound in the background that helps muffle the new noise.
6. Use a toddler clock
Another piece that’s helped us tremendously is our Hatch Rest!
If one (or both) of your room-sharing kids is 2 or older, a toddler clock will be helpful with bedtime and morning boundaries.
When they first started room sharing, our younger daughter, Avery, generally woke up around 30 minutes before Olivia, and at first, it always woke Olivia – not surprising.
However, because Olivia knew we’d come get her when the light came on, we were able to snag Avery and leave (happy) Olivia in bed, I could nurse Avery in peace without extra distractions, and although Olivia didn’t usually fall back asleep, she was still in a dark room on her own, which is restful!
And just a couple months in, Olivia most often slept through Avery waking in the morning and we would still get her once her clock turned blue.
Then there was a season when Olivia’s clock would change before Avery woke up, so Olivia would quietly come out and shut the door, and Avery would keep sleeping.
And now they both follow the same Hatch timing and almost always get up at the same time. Sometimes one certainly wakes the other when they get up, but there are also times when one wakes up with the Hatch and the other snoozes for a bit longer! You never know what will happen.
We do know they won’t come out until at least 7:20, and sometimes they’re awake beforehand. But they stay in bed quietly and let their sister keep sleeping!
7. Naps in separate rooms, nights in the same room
Naps are the hardest part of the sleep puzzle and often take the biggest hit when schedules and environments change, because daytime sleep is just different!
This was never an issue for us because Olivia had already dropped her nap by the time Avery was in there, but if your kids share a room and both still take a nap and there’s an overlap in those nap times, it’s best to give them separate napping spaces, if you can.
Chances are they need to nap at slightly different times or different lengths, and we don’t want to mess that up!
So whether that’s a pack ‘n play set up in your room or in the guest room, or a SlumberPod elsewhere in your house, those separate spaces will help both kids continue with solid naps.
8. Prepare your kids
This is a big one! Like I’ve said, Avery was just under one year old when our kids started to share a room, so there really wasn’t much preparing we could do, except spend intentional time playing in their room to make sure she was more familiar with it!
But I made sure to talk to Olivia quite a bit beforehand, getting her used to the idea that the other crib was Avery’s and she’d soon be sleeping in there, too. It was “their room” instead of “her room,” and we talked through what to do if she heard Avery cry.
We told her if she hears her sister cry, it’s her job to stay quiet and try to go back to sleep, and trust that mom and dad hear her and see her on the monitor – we’ll take care of her! We even showed her the monitor and showed her how it works so she could see what we saw.
Finally, if either of your kids is in an open bed, make sure they know not to put anything in their sibling’s bed; again, that’s just a mommy and daddy job. Not only is this for sleep but for safety!
Conclusion
While putting your kids in the same room can be a scary thought, it’s also really sweet! We trust our girls will have fond memories of sharing a room.
The goal of this blog post is to help you feel confident having your kids share a room and still sleep well, and I want you to feel confident about how to handle those off nights. Because they will very likely happen, and that’s okay!
But remember, you can always try again the next night – it’ll be a new day!
Finally, if the idea of your kids sharing a room and actually sleeping seems totally out of the question because sleep is still a challenge, we’d love to help you! Check out how we can work with you to make sleep happen for the whole family.
With Grace,
Lauren
p.s. If you’re reading this and are parents of twins or triplets, this blog post is for you!
p.p.s. If you want to snag a SlumberPod for your family, use the code “VIAGRACESPOD” for a discount!
Note that this blog contains some affiliate links.
