As the New Year is upon us, I’ve already talked with some families who are ready to make some sleep changes – they are ready to teach their little one how to fall asleep independently, both as a gift to their child and also as a gift to themselves!

But a major question and sometimes even roadblock is, when is the best time to sleep train?

So that’s just what we’re going to talk about. In this post, I’m going to share when it’s best to sleep train, as well as when it’s NOT best to sleep train!

At what age can you sleep train?

We can start sleep training at four months old! Or here at Via Graces, we technically start at 16 weeks, which falls a couple of weeks before four months old.

By this age, we know your baby’s circadian rhythm is developed and they are much more in control of their movements (although some still have the startle reflex). This helps sleep training be successful!

And sidenote, but important one: sleep training doesn’t have to mean no night feeds! You can absolutely sleep train a baby who still needs night feeds – they would put themselves to sleep, wake to eat, and then put themselves back to sleep. And then the goal is once they’re physically ready, they drop those night feeds on their own.

So again, you can start sleep training once your baby is at least four months old – even if they still need a night feed – and of course anytime after that.

And if you’re curious about what the “best age” to sleep train is, I actually go into all the details in this post. Hint, any age is the best age, but in that blog, I talk more about what sleep training looks like at each age.

Next, let’s answer our main question…

When is the best time to sleep train?

This is an important one…WHEN YOU WANT TO!

I know that may seem like an oversimplified answer, but it really is that simple – the best time to sleep train is when you want to (and, of course, your little one is at least four months old).

Now there are kind of two categories that branch off from, “when you want to”…

It’s time to sleep train because we see the benefits and want to.

The first is, “We want to sleep train because our friends have told us how helpful it is!” Or, “We’ve heard the horror stories and don’t want to end up there.”

Sleep isn’t terrible, but it definitely could be better.

You don’t have to be at rock bottom to want to sleep train – you may just see the benefit and be ready to jump in!

It’s time to sleep train when you’ve hit rock bottom.

The second branch from “when you want to” is probably the most common when it comes to the families we work with – and that’s a rock bottom, of sorts. It’s the, “We just can’t do this anymore. I’m a shell of a human because she wakes up so much.”

Or, “My husband and I haven’t slept in the same bed for six months.” Or, “I’m the only one who can put him to sleep – I just want to be able to leave the house!”

Or, “I don’t know the last time I just chilled in the evening because bedtime takes two hours, and then I’m so exhausted I go right to bed. My house is a mess and I just don’t have the time or energy to do anything about it.”

Or, “If he slept in one spot all night, I’d be totally fine co-sleeping, but I get kicked in the ribs all night long. So while he sleeps well, I just can’t.” Or, “I’ve not had a full night of sleep in four years.”

And this is not an exhaustive list! Everyone’s rock bottom, or just sleep low, looks different. So many families get to a place of, “This just isn’t working anymore – something needs to change!”

And that is a GREAT reason to sleep train. People often talk about the wins of sleep training being able to kiss your little one goodnight and walk away, and sleeping through the night, and great naps. And don’t get me wrong, those are absolutely wins.

But I think the REAL wins are, “We finally went on a date night!” And, “I was able to work out and eat a good lunch while she was sleeping.” And, “We’ve always wanted another baby, but it felt impossible until now.”

And, “I ate a whole bowl of ice cream after bedtime without it melting.” And, “I’m a more patient mom and understanding wife now.” And, “I’m reading again!”

Those are real results of sleep training, too, and I’d say the more powerful results.

So if you find yourself in a place where those things can’t happen because your baby or toddler’s sleep is just such a challenge and you’re ready for a change?

This might be a great time to sleep train!

But now let’s switch gears and talk about when it’s NOT a good time to sleep train – because this is just as important a consideration.

When it’s NOT a Good Time to Sleep Train

Don’t sleep train yet if your baby or toddler is sick

This might seem obvious, but I want to make sure it’s out there.

One reason you should hold off on sleep training is that your baby or toddler is sick! If they have a cold, a fever, or the flu, please wait until they’re healthy before sleep training.

Now, if it’s a little never-ending sniffle at the end of a cold? Totally fine!

The way I explain it to parents is, there’s a high chance your little one isn’t going to enjoy the sleep training process, meaning there will be tears. The tears won’t last forever, but there will likely be tears! It’s normal, and we have methods that allow your child to feel their feelings, while you’re also supporting them through it. You can learn more about those methods here.

But with those tears, we want to feel confident that your little one is simply upset because we’re making changes and they’re confused about it, or mad about it. “Why aren’t you nursing me to sleep?” Or, “I want you lying on my floor!”

We do NOT want the question mark of, “Are they crying because they don’t feel well?”

So if your little one is sick, wait until they’re feeling better! And THEN sleep train!

Don’t sleep train yet if you’re about to travel

The next reason I tell families to wait to sleep train is that they’re about to travel, or have several sitters lined up for the near future.

Our baby sleep training plans are two weeks long, and our toddler/big kid sleep training plans are three weeks long. And we want every night of those 2-3 weeks to happen at home! Naps may be at daycare, or with the nanny at home, or some on the go for church or big brother’s soccer game, but consistency is really key in the sleep training process.

For your child to really learn and catch on, we want them in their beds, at home, as much as possible. And traveling in the middle of that process can really throw a child off. It’s not impossible, I’ve definitely seen it happen, but being home every night is ideal.

So if you’re traveling next week, wait to sleep train until you’re back home!

Don’t sleep train if you’re about to have some major life changes

Similar to travel, we don’t want to sleep train too close to major life changes. For example, if your family is about to move or welcome a new baby soon, let’s pause on the sleep training!

Ideally, your baby or toddler would have a few weeks after moving, or after welcoming baby sister home, to adjust to the new change. And THEN you can sleep train.

OR, if you’re not moving for two more months, or you’re 30 weeks pregnant, and you’ve got 2-3 weeks at home, plus some extra wiggle room – you can sleep train beforehand!

I actually talk all about moving in this post, and welcoming a new baby sibling home in this post. I share specifically about how those life changes can cause sleep regressions.

Now, have I had families who are so desperate for change that they sleep train at 37 weeks pregnant? Yes, yes I have. Or families who are traveling in 10 days but are really hoping sleep can be a bit better by then? Sure! We talk about the potential “risks,” and they’ve decided the potential benefits outweigh the risks.

But when we have the option to wait, I recommend waiting for those life changes to settle a bit more before sleep training.

Don’t sleep train if your little one is experiencing undiagnosed or not-yet-managed health challenges

The next reason not to sleep train is something we actually dealt with these last 10 months with our fourth baby, sweet James! I’ll be sharing more about our journey with him over the next few posts, so make sure you come back for those.

But if your little one is dealing with health issues you’re still trying to figure out, or that aren’t managed yet, it’s very likely best to wait to sleep train. We were dealing with airway issues the first nine months of our son’s life, so we didn’t have the green light to sleep train until then!

If your baby is struggling with weight gain and you’re in the midst of figuring out if they have a tongue or lip tie, don’t sleep train until you know what’s going on and have made your decision about a frenectomy or not. And, of course, they’re growing well.

If your baby is really gassy or has painful reflux you just can’t seem to manage, wait to sleep train until they’re more comfortable.

Now again, there are always caveats here. You might have a gassy baby, but they happily toot. Or a baby with reflux, but the meds are working.

Or I’ve worked with families whose little ones have pretty bad eczema flair-ups, but mom and dad are confident that they know the “ouchy” cries or itchy wiggles versus the “ticked” cries and rolling around.

Or they have laryngomalacia, but the peds have cleared them for sleep training.

This isn’t to say any health issues are an automatic sorry, no-can-sleep-train. But it is to say that while sleep is really important, there are times when we have to keep doing what we have to while we figure out what else might be going on and get to the root before we can sleep train.  

Don’t sleep train while you’re potty training!

Another time I don’t recommend sleep training is while you’re potty training! Sleep training and potty training are both a big deal and a big change for toddlers, so please don’t do them both at the same time. I always recommend sleep training before potty training, when possible, but you can certainly do so the other way around if it works best for your family.

If you’re hoping to do both in the near future, just try to have a few weeks in between sleep training and potty training for one skill to become the new norm before learning the next.

Teething is NOT a reason to avoid sleep training

This next one is going to sound kind of backwards, but guess what ISN’T a reason to not sleep train? TEETHING! I talk all about teething here, so you can get all the details there, but our babies and toddlers teethe so often, don’t let the fear of teething keep you from sleep training! It won’t impact their sleep like you think it will.

If they have a tooth that’s going to cut through tomorrow, sure, you can wait a few days, if you’d like. But if they’re just extra drooly and fussy and you are guessing it’s teeth? Sleep training shouldn’t be an issue.

Okay, two more, and these are some heavy hitters.

Don’t sleep train if you and your partner disagree about sleep training

Do not sleep train if you and your partner are not on the same page about sleep training. If mom really wants to but dad doesn’t think it’s necessary, or if dad is all about it and mom can’t handle the thought of it yet, it might not be the best time.

I do think it’s important to have a conversation about it – for the parent who really wants to, why is that? And similarly, for the parent who really doesn’t want to, why is that? Talk it out and see where you land.

But on my end, it’s really important that both parents are committed to the process. It’s okay to be nervous about it, and it’s okay that dad starts the first few nights because mom is nervous. It’s okay if one says, “Okay fine, I’m saying yes because I love you, even though I don’t think it’s going to work.” I’ve certainly had those families.

But we need both parents to agree to the process and be committed to following the plan consistently, or we likely won’t see results. Because again, consistency is key! We want our little ones to know that whether it’s mom or dad, the routine and process will be the same.

Don’t sleep train if you don’t want to!

Okay, and then the final reason it is NOT a good time to sleep train is another really deep one, you ready?? YOU DON’T WANT TO!

This might sound obvious, but hear me out! If you don’t want to sleep train, or don’t feel the need to sleep train, or don’t feel like it’s the right time to sleep train, DON’T!

If the current sleep routines and habits you have for your kiddos are working for you, you do you!

Your mother-in-law telling you you should really sleep train is not a good reason to sleep train. Your best friend harping on you for co-sleeping every night is not a good reason to sleep train. Your pediatrician telling you to stop rocking them to sleep is not a good reason to sleep train.

I have some friends who don’t sleep train, don’t want to, don’t believe in it, and while I would help them in a heartbeat if they ever wanted to, I would never try to convince them they need to sleep train!

That has to be a decision you and your partner make for your family.

Conclusion

My goal of this post is to walk you through when it’s the best time to sleep train! And that’s any time you want to, after four months old, when your little one is healthy, and you’ll be home for the next few weeks.

Also remember that you don’t have to sleep train if you don’t want to! Or it’s okay to wait if you’re not ready yet! Sleep training is a personal choice, and only you and your partner can make that decision for your family.

Finally, if you would like help sleep training your little one this year, know that we are here and would love to help personalize a sleep plan for your child and family, and guide you as you carry it out. You can learn more about what that process looks like here.

I also want you to know that you don’t need a sleep consultant to sleep train! We love working with families, and we also know not everyone needs to work with us.

We love sleep, our goal for you is sleep, whether we work one-on-one or not. So, happy sleeping, and thanks so much for listening!

With Grace,

Lauren