Jason and I have been married for nine years and we have moved NINE times, seven of which were with kids. So we have moved A LOT! And after our move this summer, we really hope we won’t ever have to move again. But the good news is, we’ve learned a lot from those moves!
Moving is not for the faint of heart, no matter how old you are, how many times you’ve done it, kids or not. But kids definitely add an extra dynamic to moving. It makes packing a bit tougher and unpacking a bit tougher. It can also make sleep tougher because you’re going to a new place and things are going to look different, and if you have to travel while moving sleep likely won’t be ideal on those travel days…it’s just different!
So you may find your baby or young child goes through a sleep regression, of sorts, when you move. And while sleep regressions are most often tied to physical and developmental milestones, they can also be caused by life changes, like bringing home a baby, moving, sickness, or a death in the family.
So in this post, we’re focusing specifically on moving with kids and how to keep their sleep on track. We will talk about:
- How to avoid a sleep regression before you move, while packing
- How to avoid a sleep regression once you actually move and are getting settled
- What to do if your baby or toddler has a sleep regression when you move
And more!
How to Avoid a Sleep Regression Before You Move, While Packing
1. Keep your child’s bedroom as “same” as possible for as long as you can.
When it comes to packing, try to delay packing up your kids’ books, their pictures, shelves, little knick knacks, clothes, etc. We want them to feel “at home” for as long as possible, knowing that moving is a big transition coming up and they won’t quite feel at home for a bit, which often makes sleep a challenge!
Whereas when we feel at home, it’s a lot easier to sleep, for both adults and kids alike.
2. Keep your child’s room and play space as box-free as possible.
Some of this is just plain unavoidable – boxes have to go somewhere. But if you can keep boxes out of your little one’s bedroom as much as possible, this will also help them feel more at home for as long as possible. Their bedroom will still feel like their bedroom.
The same rule applies to their play spaces, too. The more home can feel like home and the longer they can play with their favorite toys, the more settled they’ll be.
We definitely started packing up some of our girls’ toys a few weeks before we moved this summer (and donated or pitched A LOT), but we made sure to leave out the things they play with the most often, and we left out their favorite books. We also tried stacking the boxes in the hallway, the dining room, and the kitchen corner, instead of their playroom, when at all possible.
Again, in kind of a chaotic and unsettling time, let’s help our kids’ space feel as “same” as possible.
3. Include your kids in packing, when possible.
You’re obviously not going to do this with a baby or super young toddler, but even a three year old can help pack to some extent!
“Can you help Mommy get all of our kitchen toys into this box?” Or, “Let’s find your baby dolls and put them in this box.” That way their toys aren’t simply disappearing – they see where they’re going and will have a better grasp on the fact that their things are coming with them rather than going away forever. That helps them feel more settled about moving; they can understand, to an extent, what’s going on.
I vividly remember this when our middle daughter was around the age of two – she kept getting so upset that we were packing her things because she didn’t understand what moving meant. Even this last move, as a 4.5-year-old, she would still check with us every other day that certain things were coming with us, and we reminded her that everything was coming with us.
Moving is just a strange concept, especially for a child who’s never done it before (or doesn’t remember doing it), so the more we can involve our kids and try to explain it, the better!
4. Pack up your little one’s “sleep musts” in an easy to access box/bag and keep it in your car so it doesn’t get lost in the shuffle of the moving truck.
When I say “sleep musts,” I’m thinking about:
- Pajamas
- Diapers or pull-ups
- Sleep sack
- Sound Machine
- Lovey
- Toddler clock
- Temporary blackout solution
- Bedtime stories
- A monitor
- A pillow
- Pack ‘n play/travel mattress sheets
- A blanket
So whether you have to stay in a hotel for a night or two, or sleep in your new apartment or house that same night, you don’t have to scramble to find that one box with all the sleep things. You’ve got it handy for night one.
The purpose in all four of the above tips is to help make the preparation and actual move as smooth as possible, because again, it’s strange to see your home slowly empty and to not understand what’s happening. And if moving can cause a sleep regression, let’s try to keep sleep as intact as possible leading up to the move rather than causing a sleep regression before you’ve even moved!
Now let’s chat about our top tips for actually moving with kids.
How to Avoid a Sleep Regression Once You’ve Actually Moved
1. Try to get your child’s new room set up as quickly as possible, and keep boxes out of their room.
When you get to your new home, prioritize getting your child’s room set up as quickly as you can! Get their actual beds put together rather than having them sleep in a pack ‘n play or travel mattress for days or weeks on end. Get their real bedding on their beds, put their clothes in the dresser so they can start picking out their outfits again, set up their bookshelf, etc.
And get their temporary blackout shades up until you can put up your more permanent solution!
Decorating may take longer, but if you know where their shelves are going to go or where you want to hang their pictures, prioritize that over your dining room décor so your child’s new bedroom feels like home!
This new place is going to be different and there’s really no way around that. But setting their bedroom up quickly, especially if the furniture is the same as at your old house, helps that space feel homey so much more quickly. And again, that homey feeling often makes sleep much smoother; this new home doesn’t feel as strange anymore.
2. Try to set your child’s play space up quickly.
Unpacking your child’s toys and setting up their play space quickly helps make them feel more at home, it helps them see that you really did bring all of their stuff with you, and it also helps you keep unpacking because they’re now occupied!
3. Spend time in your child’s new room.
Yes, there are so many things to be done when you move, and it is just harder when you move with kids, so hanging out in your child’s room probably isn’t a priority. But I encourage you to make it one, and not just at bedtime!
Read books in their new room, do puzzles in there, and have a dance party. And keep referring to it as their room! So that when you’re tucking them in at night they’ve clocked time in there, with you, and again, it feels that much more like home.
4. Prioritize one-on-one time with your kids.
Moving is stressful, and it’s stressful for all of us, even for the little ones who don’t have to do any of the actual physical work. But I’ve shared in this previous blog post about our kids’ “emotional piggy banks” and how much one-on-one time can fill those little piggy banks. And we talked about how much of a difference those “full banks” can make when it comes to sleep, specifically!
So both for sleep purposes but also just overall behavior and emotions, prioritize one-on-one time with your kiddos amid all the unpacking madness. Your kids need that grounding and normalcy now more than usual, and that undivided mom and dad time is so key here.
So make the fort, turn a moving box into a car, find a new local playground, have a movie night – set aside time to NOT unpack and do all of the moving-in things and just be together! I think you’ll notice it makes a difference for you, too.
5. Try to keep the same routines and schedule as much as possible.
There will certainly be off days when you move and naps might get skipped or bedtime pushed later than ideal, but getting back to your norm and to that consistency as quickly as you can is so important – for all of your sakes!
So first, keep an eye on the clock! Whether you have a baby who follows awake windows, or an older baby or toddler on more of a set schedule, try to stick to those sleep times. We know that both undertiredness and overtiredness can wreak havoc on sleep, and so can a really inconsistent schedule day to day.
And when life is hectic and everything is new and exhausting, the last thing we need is a super overtired baby, or a toddler waking in the night again. We all need sleep to be our best selves!
Similarly, don’t rush those nap and bedtime routines because you’ve got more boxes to unpack – keep them the same! You might even make them slightly longer to help your child adjust to their new space.
This might not feel like a “routine,” but the way you put your child to bed is absolutely a routine – you do it every night! So if you always lay your little one down and walk away for them to put themselves to sleep, continue doing that in your new home. Or oppositely, if you always lay with them, continue doing so in your new space! Moving and making changes to sleep at once is just too much, so don’t change up your child’s sleep rhythms and routines right away.
Now, if you’re reading this and you’re like, “But I don’t want to rock them to sleep every night anymore,” or, “I really don’t want to set up another mattress on their floor for them to fall asleep,” I hear you. If that’s your norm, and you’re about to move or just did, continue that norm for two-three weeks; give your child space to adjust and get comfortable, and then move forward with sleep training.
I actually became a sleep consultant right before a string of moves. And just before my training program, our almost-two-year-old’s sleep started to get really thrown off. We had no idea why, but once I went to training, it all made sense; I knew what we had to do to get her back on track.
The problem was, the week I was at training my hubby was packing up our apartment, and when we got back we moved into a friend’s guest room – but only for about a week. Then we moved to another friend’s house for about a month, and then we moved back to the other friend’s house again, and this time stayed for five months.
But in those short spurts, while we knew what changes to make to get our daughter sleeping well again, it just wasn’t the right time. We were moving too much, changing houses/bedrooms too much, not to mention this teacher-mom went back to school right in that craziness, we potty trained, and I was super pregnant! So there just wasn’t a lot that was consistent, and it wouldn’t have been fair to now also change her sleep patterns.
So once we finally got back to our friends’ house, settled in, and knew we’d be there for a while, then we basically pulled a sleep plan on our two-year-old and she was back to solid sleep. But until then, we sat outside her room, frequently shushing and reassuring her, until she was asleep.
So again, try to keep your little one’s sleep as “same” as possible as much as you can!
Which leads us to my final tip…
What to Do if your Baby or Toddler Goes Through a Sleep Regression When You Move
You might follow all of the tips I’ve mentioned so far, but your little one’s sleep might still be thrown off.
DON’T PANIC! If sleep has ever been really hard for your little one and you’ve worked on getting it to the amazing place it is now, it can be so scary to have those regressions and wonder if you’ll ever sleep again. I want to assure you that yes, they can sleep again! It may just take time.
Your little one may struggle to fall asleep, or they might wake in the night again, or early in the morning again, or take really short naps.
And my advice to you is to HANG TIGHT! Don’t panic and all of a sudden start changing everything – just give them space to adjust. And when I say space, I’m talking two-three weeks. If you start changing their schedule right away, you may actually throw their sleep off even more, or for longer, because that’s not actually what they need at the moment.
This happened to us on this most recent move with our now two-year-old, who was just shy of two when we moved. She was SUPER consistent with her morning wake time and nap time (we always had to wake her!), more than my other girls ever were.
But when we moved, Miss Consistent was not consistent at all. She was waking up about 30-45 minutes earlier than usual and she was clearly still sleepy and out of it. And our toddler who used to fall right asleep for naps, maybe fussing for 30-60 seconds, was now screaming! She’d usually fall asleep within 10 minutes, but there were 3-4 times she just wasn’t falling asleep, so we held her for the nap so she’d actually sleep.
And when she did fall asleep on her own for naps, she was up about an hour later, so taking a much shorter nap than normal, and again, she clearly wasn’t happy about it. And neither were we!
Bedtime was thankfully fine, and she still slept through the night, but those earlier mornings and nap times were so frustrating. We never knew what to expect, which again, with Miss Consistent was just strange.
I remember within a few days my husband asked what was going on, and I told him she could be ready for a schedule change, she might be going through a regression because she’s talking way more, or it could simply be because we also just moved. So we had to wait!
And guess what?? It took a solid 2-3 weeks, Miss Consistent was back to her normal sleep schedule! I did end up pushing her nap back about 15 minutes later, but that certainly wasn’t the only reason her sleep got back on track. She had finally adjusted to our new space and felt “at home” again!
The biggest key here was simply time. She needed time to adjust to our new home and her new bedroom! The other key piece was consistency.
Now, you heard me say we had to hold her for some naps, which is definitely not our norm – meaning not consistent. But that was after laying her down and giving her space to settle; we always waited at least 10 minutes. And we thankfully didn’t have to hold her a few days in a row, it was sporadic. We also weren’t rocking her at bedtime!
And when she woke up earlier in the morning, or from a short nap, we’d always wait at least 10 minutes before getting her, to give her a chance to fall back asleep, and also just remind her this wasn’t her wake-up time. We didn’t just jump to co-sleeping or sleeping on her floor, but we did give her some extra grace and support, as necessary.
So there was consistency AND flex, according to what our adjusting girl needed!
Our older two thankfully adjusted really well and we didn’t have any issues with their sleep.
But with an older child having a tough time adjusting, consistency + flex might look like doing more check-ins than normal. “Hey babe, I’m going to go load the dishwasher, but I’ll be back to check on you soon.” Or, “I’m going to go put brother to bed, but I’ll be back to check on you.”
You’re still expecting them to fall asleep on their own, but you recognize they need a little more support, so you’re doing frequent check-ins to reassure them.
Our kids might need those extra check-ins, an extra snuggle, you might even have to sleep on their floor for a night. But we always want to come back to what our normal routines are, give them extra support as needed, and still hold the boundary of, this is your bed, this is mine, I’ll see you in the morning.
And if you do end up sliding backward and for two weeks you are co-sleeping again, or rocking to sleep again, or sitting in their room until they’re asleep…guess what? You can always get their sleep back on track. Just return to those original sleep training methods, and per usual, time and consistency will be your best friends.
Conclusion
The goal of this blog post is to remind you that when moving, especially with kids, things are going to be chaotic and some days you won’t actually have much of a plan except to survive and git ‘r done. But recognizing that our kids still need a plan, they need stability, and they need routine – not just to function well during the day, but to also sleep well! And as professional movers, with kids, these tips for both packing and actually moving have really helped us keep sleep on track as much as possible.
I also want to remind you that you might have the best plans and do all the “right things”, but your child is a real human being, change is hard, and sleep can easily be impacted by life change. So if sleep does get hard, know that it’s NORMAL and that time and consistency will be on your side; your child will sleep again.
And guess what? If you’re still struggling after a few weeks, or now that you moved you’re ready to finally have a consistent sleeper who you can kiss goodnight and they’ll put themselves to sleep, but you have no idea where to start…that’s where we come in! See how we can support you and get your whole family sleeping well!
With Grace,
Lauren
