As a mom and sleep consultant, I will be the first to tell you I think consistent routines and schedules, when appropriate, are really important for our kiddos. I’m certainly talking about sleep, and I’m also talking about eating around the same time every day, knowing when screen time is or is not, for older kids having regular quiet time or independent playtime. Kids thrive on routine as there is great safety and comfort in knowing what to expect day to day.
AND it’s also good and healthy and important to go off routine some days! You’ve got to go to that birthday party, have that movie night, go to the amusement park all day, and naps are going to get cut off or maybe even skipped altogether, bedtime might get pushed back, sugar rules are out the window. The memories and fun are worth it!
If you’re like so many families we’ve worked with, you want to feel the freedom to do something crazy and get out of your daily routine and rhythm, but it can also be a bit scary not knowing how your baby or toddler’s sleep will be as a result. Or how to adjust their sleep schedule given that day’s activities.
So that’s what we’re going to talk about in this post:
- How to adjust your baby and toddler’s schedule when they take short naps
- How to adjust your baby and toddler’s schedule when they skip naps
- How to think about late bedtimes
- Realistic expectations for off-sleep days
- And how many off-sleep days is too many off-sleep days
Before I dive in, I am going to be referencing a lot of different schedules – both awake window schedules and set schedules, and all of those change depending on your little one’s age. So if the thought of schedules already makes you want to pull your hair out, or you feel like you just can’t figure out the right schedule, pause right now and snag our free guide to baby sleep schedules!
How to Handle Short Nap Days
Long, uninterrupted naps at home are certainly the hope and goal most days of the week. But real life also happens!
Your little one might have a doctor’s appointment in the morning so you know their nap is going to be off. Maybe they can only take a 30-minute nap at home before you have to leave, when they usually take at least an hour nap. Or maybe they usually nap at the time of your appointment, so they fall asleep on the drive home and only nap for 15 minutes.
Or maybe you were at big brother’s soccer game and the baby finally fell asleep in the carrier, but they only slept for 25 minutes when it usually would have been at least 45 minutes at home.
Or maybe your kiddo is just a short napper and you never know what to do with the rest of the day!
Short naps are so frustrating, but they happen! So here’s how I think through what to do next…
For Babies Who Take Multiple Naps…
If you have a baby still taking multiple naps (more than two), then you should be following awake windows. If your baby is 5 months old, for example, the awake window between their first and second nap should be about 2 hours and 15 minutes. But let’s say their first nap was short, do you still do that 2 hour and 15-minute awake window or do you shorten it?
My general rule of thumb is if a nap is 20 minutes or less, there’s a good chance you’ll have to shorten the next awake window. So if they wake up from their nap at 9 am and you would usually then lay them down at 11:15, I’d keep 11:15 in mind, but then watch your baby’s tired cues and potentially put them down closer to 10:45 or 11.
If, however, that short nap lasts 30 minutes or more, while it’s still not an ideal nap length, I would aim for that same 2 hour and 15-minute awake window like you usually do!
When it comes to squeezing in a final cat nap versus doing an early bedtime, I almost always lean toward an early bedtime. Now, if you have a four-month-old who is still waffling between 3-4 naps day to day, having a fourth cat nap is no big deal – do it if they can still get to bed by about 8 pm!
If, however, you have a 4-5 month-old who regularly takes three naps a day, I would much rather put them to bed early that night rather than try to squeeze in a fourth cat nap, because that’s so different from their norm. And when I say “early bedtime,” I would say 6:30 is the “ideal” early bedtime, however, I’ve absolutely put my kids to bed as early as 6/6:15 when it’s necessary.
So if your 5-month-old is usually awake for 2 hours and 45 minutes before bedtime but today woke up from their third nap at 3 pm, that would make bedtime fall at 5:45. And that’s too early and could backfire the other way! So you’re going to have to give them a push, but in this case, I would aim for 6:15, maybe 6:30 if they can handle it. It’s more awake time than is ideal, but we’re also trying to slide that bedtime to a more reasonable/normal time.
For Babies and Toddlers on a Clock-Based Schedule
If you have a baby or toddler on a one-nap or two-nap schedule, we treat short naps a bit differently on set schedules. Maybe you have a 10-month-old taking two naps at the same time every day, or an 18-month-old taking one nap every day.
When on a set schedule, we are aiming to keep a child’s schedule within about 30 minutes of itself day to day for the sake of consistency for your little one’s body clock.
So if your baby usually naps from 9:30-11 and again at 2 pm, but they woke up for their morning nap at 10:15, you are still aiming for that afternoon nap to be at 2 pm. But if they are really struggling, aim for 1:45, 1:30 at the earliest – keeping that 30-minute rule in mind.
Similar to that afternoon nap and bedtime – if they usually nap from 2-3:30 and go to bed at 7, but today only napped from 2-2:30, making it to 7 is going to be quite the stretch. So in this case, you’re going to aim for 6:30 or 6:45 to get close, but honor the fact that they’re tired!
We’re thinking along the same lines for a one-nap schedule. If your little one usually naps from 12-2:30 and goes to bed at 7 but today only napped from 12-1, you want to get close to that 7 bedtime but recognize that overtiredness is real, and all the more real when that stretch between one afternoon nap and bedtime is so wide.
So I would aim for 6:30, in that case, following a similar 30-minute rule. If they only napped from 1-1:30, however, and they’re struggling to even make it to 6:30, I might even do a 6:15ish bedtime that night to help make up for the lost daytime sleep!
Now moving on from short nap days…
How to Handle Skipped Nap Days
For babies and young toddlers, I’m not very willing to straight up skip a nap. A nap might come much later than usual or be much shorter than usual, but I will do just about anything I can do to make some sort of nap happen because they really need it. And I’d pull out pretty much all of the stops to get there!
So maybe your friends or family are having a big holiday brunch and it’s going to fall right over your little one’s morning nap. Or maybe your older daughter has a basketball game during your baby’s nap.
First, if you’re going to be at someone’s house for a while, consider setting up a pack ‘n play and SlumberPod so you can both enjoy your time there and also know great sleep will happen!
But if that feels like too much or just isn’t an option, bring the carrier and see if you can make a nap happen! Just know it’ll likely happen way later than normal and/or it’ll be shorter than normal because of all the action going on.
Whenever we have a little one who usually naps during church, we always bring the carrier and stand in the back, trying to rock, shush, pat their bum, sing in their ear, etc. And I know it’ll take way longer to fall asleep and I know it’ll be a short nap, but it’s better than nothing!
But if you’re at a really long event or someone’s house, you may get to the point when sleep just needs to happen and it’s not happening, so this is when I’d try to pull out all the stops to make some sort of sleep happen.
If you’re at your parents’ house all day for Christmas, for example, that might mean heading out for a carrier or stroller walk, or a car ride, so your baby or toddler gets a snooze in.
I remember on one vacation our 9-month-old really needed to nap but we had been at the beach for a while so it was later than normal and an independent nap was already off the table, and she just seemed so distracted in the carrier. So I put her in the carrier and stood in a dark bathroom with the fan on and she finally fell asleep. I then of course had to wake her after 25-30 minutes, which was sad, but I didn’t want bedtime to get super late, plus I think everyone was eating dinner. So I was ready to do whatever it took for that nap to happen, and still needed some give and take there.
In these cases, any length nap is better than no nap at all!
Around the age of two, however, I’m more willing to let skipped naps slide because two and three-year-olds can handle the long awake time much more. It’s not always beautiful, but it’s doable.
So if one of our older kiddos has a birthday party from 1-3, we’ll go! And by around 16 months – at least with our kids – I wouldn’t even attempt to bring the carrier as they’d just be so distracted with everything going on I know they wouldn’t sleep, it’s not worth the frustration.
If they are younger, I’d really bank on a car nap on the way home, and might even drive around for longer to make it happen. Or I might even snuggle them in their dark room when we get home to make it happen. But if they’re older (two or more) and they happen to fall asleep on the car ride home? Yay! That’s better than nothing. But if they didn’t fall asleep and now were’ home and it’s 3:30, I would call that a no nap day and aim to have them in bed by 6 pm that night.
And yes, I know that sounds early, but it’s so necessary. The goal is to tag on some of that missed daytime sleep into the night!
Now let’s chat about late nights…
How to Handle Days with Late Bedtimes
You know you’re going to be out late. Maybe your community group is every Monday at 6 and you don’t usually get home until closer to 8! Or maybe you have special dinner plans for your dad’s birthday and you know it’s going to be a late one.
What can you do during the day to help prepare, and how should you handle bedtime?
First, if your little one is able to, I’d let them take longer naps that day in preparation for the later night. We have to wake her two-year-old almost every day from her nap, so on our community group nights, we always let her sleep about 30 minutes longer. Or for the fourth of July this summer, we let her sleep longer. And it’s super helpful!
But this rarely worked with our older two girls, as they would simply wake up on their own most times. So even though I would have loved to “let them sleep longer” some days, their little bodies just wouldn’t do it, so this is not a given.
If you think there’s a good chance your baby or toddler will fall asleep on the drive home, I would bring their jammies and get them ready for bed before you get in the car! And nurse them or give them the bottle before you leave the restaurant. That way if they fall asleep, you can transfer them right to bed. Or if they don’t fall asleep, you already have part of the bedtime routine done.
With our older girls, we simply remind them that it’s late and we’re going to get home and get ready for bed right away, so they’re not caught off guard.
In an ideal world, when we’re talking late bedtime, we don’t want bedtime to be much more than an hour later than usual. This is to prevent a crazy amount of overtiredness that could spill into a tougher night or earlier morning, and to still protect a solid overnight sleep.
That being said, we have absolutely kept our girls up more than an hour later than usual! So know that there are “rules,” but there’s also real life. We just want to balance it all with how our kiddos will actually do, because some can handle off nights more than others.
Realistic Expectations for Off-Sleep Days
So our kiddo has a short nap day, or they skip a nap that day, or they go to bed later than usual…what should we expect?
Remember, every kiddo is different, so there’s not an across-the-board expectation here. Our middle daughter was always a much more sensitive sleeper – off days or late nights would impact her really quickly. If she had a short nap day, there was a very good chance she was going to have a tougher time falling asleep that night. Or if she went to bed later than usual, it was almost guaranteed that she would wake in the night, and/or wake up extra early the next morning. That overtiredness really impacted her, which directly impacted us, so we had to choose wisely when we pushed her and when we really protected her sleep!
Whereas with our oldest and now with our youngest, off days don’t impact them as much! They may seem more sleepy the next day, but it’s really not a big deal.
So when it comes to overtiredness, in general, which again, could be caused by short naps, skipped naps, or late nights, just know that for your little one to have a tougher time falling asleep, or for them to stir or wake more in the night, or for them to wake up early the next day is all normal!
Because that’s what overtiredness can do to us, and that overtiredness is pretty inevitable on off days.
Something I would try to make a point of, however, is if you know today is going to be an off day, for whatever reason, I would try hard to protect tomorrow to give your little one space to get back on track. To get all of their nice and long naps at home, to eat at their normal times, and to go to bed per usual. Give them that reset the next day, for both of your sakes!
Something I would try not to do is let them sleep in the next day. I know it’s tempting, especially if they got less overall sleep than usual, but letting your little one sleep in could again throw off their day!
Now, if it’s your older child who doesn’t nap anymore, let them sleep in, that shouldn’t affect them at all! But if it’s your baby or toddler who still naps, I would maybe let them slide and sleep an extra 15 minutes, maybe even 30. But you may find that they struggle to fall asleep for their naps or take shorter naps than normal, because of that sleep in time, so be careful letting them sleep in!
Finally, let’s talk about how to balance these off-sleep days in a normal week, or on vacation, or over the holidays…
How Many Off-Sleep Days is Too Many Off-Sleep Days?
We often talk about the 80/20 rule when it comes to sleep – try to be on it 80% of the time and you can then let things slide 20% of the time.
So In a perfect world with that 80/20 rule, I would say if you have an off day, try to protect the next so you don’t have multiple off days in a row! And in a week, try not to have more than two, maybe three off days, because consistency goes a long way with sleep!
If, however, you’re on vacation, the 80/20 rule is still ideal, and on some vacations we’ve been able to pull it off! But with other trips, you’re likely going to have more than one off-day in a row, and you might even have more than three off days within a week, because you’re out and about and adventuring! And that’s okay.
The holiday season is very much upon us now, and again, off days are going to happen. And that’s okay! Also know it’s okay to request that dinner be at 5:30 instead of 6, or don’t get to Grandma’s house until 12 rather than 10 am for the sake of a morning nap.
There are some days and some events we just can’t miss so we’ll do what it takes. There are some days and some events we’re going to request something happen a bit earlier, or we’re going to arrive later, or we’re going to leave earlier because we can and it just feels best. And there may be some days or events when we divide and conquer – someone stays back with the napper so the others can head out. Or maybe we find a sitter. Or maybe we simply don’t go, because, it just doesn’t seem like the best option.
Conclusion
The goal of this post is to give you the freedom to have off days and not plan everything around your little one’s sleep! The goal is to also give you the confidence to not only have those off days but also know what to do with the next nap or bedtime.
Also remember that off days might feel really scary to you and you might just not be ready for a skipped nap or late bedtime. And that’s okay! Or maybe you have a kiddo like our middle daughter who’s extra sensitive to sleep changes, so you have to choose wisely when you take those off days. That’s okay, too!
Or maybe you have several off days in a row, and your little one is struggling to get back on track. That’s okay! We can always get sleep back on track, so don’t let those off days scare you.
Also remember that YOU get to decide what’s best for your little one. You know them best and you know what they can handle better than anybody, so give yourself grace when you’re deciding what those off days and nights will look like and how often they’ll come.
With Grace,
Lauren
